regarding some deleted poem...	Shuushin 207.5.211.177	7-Feb-04/5:26 AM
another math wiz. Says something and nothing at the same time, and therefore cancels itself out. Points for formatting; settle for a six.
Re: UltraSound by UnityMitford	Shuushin 207.5.211.177	7-Feb-04/5:56 AM
oddly ... odd. ahh - its a father talking to his son about a new daughter.
Re: before I forget by moonUnit	Shuushin 207.5.211.177	7-Feb-04/6:05 AM
Pleasant - something a mother would love; I like it enough to give it a snowman (cuz its snowing)
Re: Ducks With AIDs (a feeble attempt of something different) by Blindpoetry	-=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. 163.1.146.87	7-Feb-04/6:39 AM
My poemes are much better than yours.
Re: everyone sucks. by kliq	Shuushin 207.5.211.177	7-Feb-04/7:45 AM
"And it's more than my mother ever wanted" is a great line worthy of refrain. "less power than [she]" please (as in "less power than she had" not "less power than her had") last line is awkward; consider "... will always be a woman [with choice]." not too shabby at all - I choose to give it a nine.
Re: Swiftly by darkshark	zodiac 67.240.211.170	7-Feb-04/8:09 AM
You might consider another word for 'brook', since (here, at least) you can cross a brook in something like two steps. It makes the 'one step at a time' part a sound little overwrought. Ditto for the shallow parts where rocks poke out of the water. If there are rocks poking out then why are they 'wading'? They could just step on the rocks that are poking out. It being a brook, they wouldn't need more than two rocks, maybe. And while I'm at it, it's not exactly clear why they're risking freezing water to cross this brook anyway. It's not really a casual thing to cross a near-freezing river. You might add a one-line explanation: "Coming back to camp," or some such. On the whole, the writing is good. You need to punctuate, and in lines like the rocks that 'poke' out of the water, you might consider better more poetic words. Write back if you can't think of any. Tchuss.
Re: "In the Air" by SmittenKitten	zodiac 67.240.211.170	7-Feb-04/8:21 AM
1) Not an Ode. 2) If we were ever for some reason to quote from this poem, then we would put the title in quotation marks. You don't. Quotation marks "dont" signify "emphasis", "boldface", or "italics". 2) Why don't you punctuate, or capitalize I's? Is it because it's easier? Do you think we want to read something you haven't put effort into? (also, can't is a contraction for cannot. Cant is what poetry without punctuation usually is.) 3) The way it slips into and out of rhyme is weird. Make it all not rhyme. Then you can say what you want instead of what rhymes. 4) It's cool in a Sunday youth-group folk-rock song sort of way how the "in the air" theme ends with "Lord in the skies." Not my taste, but probably somebody's. I hope you make these corrections. We get a lot of Lord-hold-my-hand poems here that are much worse.
Re: regret. by darby pyn	Shuushin 207.5.211.177	7-Feb-04/9:05 AM
I like it - rhyming scheme is subtle yet sophisticated. I got a little caught up in that though, now I have figure out what the message is...
Re: Fact of the Matter by marvelis	Shuushin 207.5.211.177	7-Feb-04/9:09 AM
Well, its on the edge of profundity (either slightly too far, or not far enough - can't decide). A few of the ryhmes and phrasings seemed forced to my ear though. I'm thinking it could be just *slightly* distilled into something very powerful.
Re: Fact of the Matter by marvelis	-=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. 131.111.212.215	7-Feb-04/9:34 AM
Suffused with a quiet, monumental stupidity.
Re: Castaway by andrewjthomas	devina 195.5.77.81	7-Feb-04/9:41 AM
I don´t know. What about you? Even if I have personal poems, I write about my feelings. What is important to me. I really don´t care what´s important to you.
regarding some deleted poem...	devina 195.5.77.81	7-Feb-04/9:45 AM
I write a lot of poetry. But I´m not so sure about you. I can take critic. But what you write is not critic. It´s just being cruel by the fun of it... So if you can´t write real critic, don´t write at all! Okay????!!!
Re: Gardener by lastobelus	devina 195.5.77.81	7-Feb-04/9:50 AM
I got to agree with you. People can write what they want, and people can comment what they want. Maybe an idea is to write what is wrong with the poem, what you don´t like. This is what kind of critic I would want, and I guess other people to. Some people are just cruel for the fun of it. And that´s not wright!
Re: Gardener by lastobelus	Shuushin 207.5.211.177	7-Feb-04/9:53 AM
this is very lovely.
regarding some deleted poem...	Shuushin 207.5.211.177	7-Feb-04/9:55 AM
yes, I saw this too. pretty cool http://blogs.osafoundation.org/mitch/000384.html would be cool to make a poem like that - are you volunteering?
regarding some deleted poem...	zodiac 67.240.192.57	7-Feb-04/11:00 AM
re: "are you volunteering?" No. It's all over the web. Plagiarism alert, by the way.
Re: everything Zen by crwncka1	crwncka1 66.141.125.162	7-Feb-04/11:27 AM
if I where rating my poetry Id say this is my first that deserves a rating above 0... but this art I will master like no other... in the end... hurry up and shit on this... i already did... but beware
Re: everything Zen by crwncka1	Shuushin 207.5.211.177	7-Feb-04/12:05 PM
first brown spot: "now changing my own reflection forming a reflecting mirror" and that was the last - I think it works quite well.
regarding some deleted poem...	xxx 68.165.172.185	7-Feb-04/12:20 PM
Chilling! Better Than Very Good. I have observed a similar reaction at a stock car race.
regarding some deleted poem...	Shuushin 207.5.211.177	7-Feb-04/12:59 PM
Not too shabby, really - I think the ending, last stanza especially, is a tad rushed though (not in its execution; that's awkward, but in it's construction)- but probably fairly easily fixed with a little elbow grease. Have a snowman, a nine awaits your polishing.