Re: Just Passing Through by southernboy71	southernboy71 209.43.17.72	26-Jan-04/11:53 AM
This is kind of my outlook on life...It is applied to every journy my life takes me through.
regarding some deleted poem...	Lenore 64.252.103.150	26-Jan-04/11:55 AM
I really enjoyed this poem. I'm reminded to go back to Herkimer. 10
regarding some deleted poem...	-=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. 163.1.146.87	26-Jan-04/12:18 PM
The worst part of being "Still Awake" is not the period in which everything is silent, and everyone is sound asleep; it is the period in which you start to hear birds chirping outside. Then you know you're buggered. I think the hyphen in the last verse should be a comma.
Re: The Ballade of Hollis Browne by -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I.	Lenore 64.252.103.150	26-Jan-04/12:20 PM
I didn't even read this and I know it stinks! 10
Re: Captain Cannibal by Lenore	zodiac 152.30.23.24	26-Jan-04/12:26 PM
And no one else has commented on the pools of seamen. That's weird.
Re: the small drop by richa	-=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. 163.1.146.87	26-Jan-04/12:26 PM
What do you think about your likening a drop of water on a blade of grass to a drop of wax on a candle? One drop for another drop? If this poeme had been about a drop of wax on a candle, would you have likened it to a drop of water on the tip of a blade of grass? If so, then buncombe.
Re: Just Passing Through by southernboy71	zodiac 152.30.23.24	26-Jan-04/12:29 PM
"I like to think that the nicer the people I get to meet, The better a person I become." This line needs to be reworded.
Re: I Go On by drumrgirl30	zodiac 152.30.23.24	26-Jan-04/12:31 PM
"Cool as ice , on the outside I must be..." When you have to invert like that, you need a new rhyme. All of the rest of the language is normal, which makes it really stick out.
regarding some deleted poem...	Lenore 64.252.103.150	26-Jan-04/12:39 PM
boiled and flies was brilliant! The rest toss.
regarding some deleted poem...	Lenore 64.252.103.150	26-Jan-04/12:41 PM
You are absolutely right!
regarding some deleted poem...	xxx 68.165.172.185	26-Jan-04/12:52 PM
Last Stanza terrible! Last line...you could have done better.
regarding some deleted poem...	xxx 68.165.172.185	26-Jan-04/12:54 PM
Politics aside, this is not too bad.
regarding some deleted poem...	xxx 68.165.172.185	26-Jan-04/12:55 PM
For making me laugh!!
regarding some deleted poem...	god'swife 67.73.35.84	26-Jan-04/12:58 PM
over-all a good poem. Focused and controlled. I just have a couple of small criticisms: 1. S3L2 is not as clear as it might be. It took me a few moments to understand the intended meaning. I read it as 'Yet I am at a time...' instead of 'Nothing...is awake, yet I am.' There are several ways to tweak it so it makes more sense. Place a comma at the end of L2 or restructure the lines. I also think if you changed 'at a time...' to 'at THIS(insert appropriate adjective)time...' it would help. 2. Moon-swept. I hate that, but that's purely objective. The first two lines of the 2nd stanza set up the scene so well, and then aaagh! moon-swept. I really like the third stanza. It has a good rhythm, and a novel view point. The last stanza feels rushed at the end. I like the contrast of day-dreaming vs. not being able to sleep at night. Another interesting and novel insight. You need to expand on it. The last to lines of the poem are a let down.
Re: Captain Cannibal by Lenore	god'swife 67.73.35.84	26-Jan-04/1:10 PM
"stagnant pools of seamen"? The only thing missing from this poem is the well thought out use of the word 'gay'. What's this poem about? I liked the 5th stanza. Much wittier than the rest of this ballad. But seriously, what is this poem about? What insight are you trying to convey to your audience?
regarding some deleted poem...	andrewjthomas 192.150.10.200	26-Jan-04/1:12 PM
you need to show, not tell and you need to be much more specific generic moment in time is just that - generic and no one cares about it don't be afraid to give some of yourself and please run spellchecker before posting :)
regarding some deleted poem...	-=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. 163.1.146.87	26-Jan-04/1:21 PM
were you a naughty child?
regarding some deleted poem...	god'swife 67.73.35.84	26-Jan-04/1:21 PM
'Out having fun'? 'You people'? Good gracious.If that isn't immature enough you also have 11 anonymous 10's scored. 0, now go to your room, your grounded.
regarding some deleted poem...	xxx 68.165.172.185	26-Jan-04/1:22 PM
Pretty good! And funny is a sad way.
regarding some deleted poem...	xxx 68.165.172.185	26-Jan-04/1:23 PM
Eternal hope, hopefully not dashed.