| Re: Yea u guys by That One |
zodiac 67.240.192.46 |
26-Jan-04/7:15 AM |
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Once again, Jesus was a Greek nickname for a Hebrew.
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| Re: Captain Cannibal by Lenore |
zodiac 67.240.192.46 |
26-Jan-04/7:23 AM |
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I feel like I should say more on this: although I am totally in favor of poems that tell stories (I personally am working on a poetic style that is only nouns and verbs,) I don't feel like this poem tells enough. There's only one possible meaning (not counting the aforementioned seamen,) so it doesn't hold up to repeated readings. Take a closer look at that famous albatross poem. It's an extended (though clumsy, yes,) allegory - or more than one, but mainly about respect for nature, etc. You don't have anything but events, which are not even presented in the end as anything shocking or weird. Yeah, you start with Murder! which is grabbing, but it just peters out. He eats the bones and goes home. Look for ways to make it mean something more. That's about it.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
fair12 66.84.225.2 |
26-Jan-04/8:02 AM |
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excellent tone.
Insomnia blows.
A definate 9
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| Re: Just Passing Through by southernboy71 |
southernboy71 209.43.17.72 |
26-Jan-04/11:51 AM |
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No.... I wrote this about 20 years ago. I was at the top of Mt. Eagle in Tenn at the( Top of the Rock ) truck stop. Was on a trip fromm GA.To Indiana.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
southernboy71 209.43.17.162 |
26-Jan-04/9:20 AM |
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I like the effect. It tends to show how ones outter appearence can be quite different than ones inner being. I refer to the line ( The neatness outside and the mess inside my mind).
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| Re: Flame Game by Goad |
Lenore 64.252.103.150 |
26-Jan-04/10:19 AM |
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dirty, sad, heart dragging steal. 10
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| Re: Martyrs in suburbia - (we wander like breezes) by zodiac |
some deleted user 24.222.81.233 |
26-Jan-04/10:34 AM |
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| Re: Just Passing Through by southernboy71 |
some deleted user 24.222.81.233 |
26-Jan-04/10:35 AM |
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Thruogh is spelled Throooooo.
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| Re: Sequence by http://mulberryfairy |
abecedarian 164.67.82.153 |
26-Jan-04/10:38 AM |
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Strangely exposed. I don't like 'strangely' here. It implies that you are a confused observer to yourself - not really understanding what is going on around you. It has the effect of distancing you (and therefore the reader) from the scene. Focus on the the nature of the wound that exposes the brain tissue and derive your adjective in that manner.
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| Re: i'm falling for u damnit! by clumseYdaiseY |
some deleted user 24.222.81.233 |
26-Jan-04/10:39 AM |
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Is it gravy in the third part?
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| Re: Just Passing Through by southernboy71 |
southernboy71 209.43.17.107 |
26-Jan-04/10:40 AM |
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Ok...Thanks for bringing that to my attention...Guess my fingers got moveing to fast LOL..
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| Re: World policy by penguin fiend |
-=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. 131.111.212.215 |
26-Jan-04/10:40 AM |
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A bulging glans of shame.
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| Re: Just Passing Through by southernboy71 |
richa 81.178.200.103 |
26-Jan-04/10:42 AM |
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lines three and four are quite good, has a nice laidback feel
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| Re: I Go On by drumrgirl30 |
richa 81.178.200.103 |
26-Jan-04/10:45 AM |
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a bit cliched, I quite like the way you've stopped the poem dead at the end.
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| Re: the small drop by richa |
abecedarian 164.67.82.153 |
26-Jan-04/10:50 AM |
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Wonderful, richa. Perhaps '..and weigh through it every angle'. I think it fits more with what you're getting at (or at least my simple understanding of your intent).
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
richa 81.178.200.103 |
26-Jan-04/10:51 AM |
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verse two and three I like, especially three, an interesting (almost) irony.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
xxx 68.165.172.185 |
26-Jan-04/10:54 AM |
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Your second stanza is great.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
xxx 68.165.172.185 |
26-Jan-04/10:59 AM |
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Tragedy and fair snoozing... a good mix.
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| Re: I Go On by drumrgirl30 |
-=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. 163.1.146.87 |
26-Jan-04/11:01 AM |
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With no word of complaint, save for the disgustingly self-absorbed, attention-seeking, whining poetry I secrete on a daily basis;
I go on.
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| Re: Sequence by http://mulberryfairy |
-=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. 131.111.212.215 |
26-Jan-04/11:39 AM |
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Yes, I know the feeling. I was once chosen by the 40th iteration of the Mother Theresa group-sentience to take part in a Diabetes Day parade. God, I hope I never witness anything one-tenth as horrifying again.
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