| Re: You.. by Ariella |
sliver 63.189.17.188 |
22-Dec-03/9:22 PM |
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I went to High School for more than lunch.
(GYM)
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| Re: her treasure by amber1028 |
sliver 63.189.17.188 |
22-Dec-03/9:24 PM |
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Old memories well remembered, I enjoyed this.
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| Re: 7th one about Jon by Plaidypus |
sliver 63.189.17.188 |
22-Dec-03/9:31 PM |
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| Re: TRUTH by somemorepoetry |
sliver 63.189.17.188 |
22-Dec-03/9:33 PM |
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WEEELLL, Thats a reasonable assumption:(
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| Re: My friend over there (the Mirror) by reo316 |
sliver 63.189.17.188 |
22-Dec-03/9:39 PM |
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Sure they can, you know, they all have their own society on the other side of the glass, when you're not looking they're partying off their ass, Look closer next time.
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| Re: Memory by Miggy |
Plaidypus 67.122.109.20 |
22-Dec-03/10:14 PM |
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What kind of music is this for?
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| Re: Things Are Going to be Different Next Year by JanieDoe |
Plaidypus 67.122.109.20 |
22-Dec-03/10:22 PM |
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Huh...I like the ending. I think "smirk" is weak, you shouldn't try so hard to rhyme. Your message is interesting enough.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
Plaidypus 67.122.109.20 |
22-Dec-03/10:23 PM |
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Do not ever use "proverbial" in a poem...its just a bad idea...
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| Re: Intense Irrational Realities by Venus |
Plaidypus 67.122.109.20 |
22-Dec-03/10:23 PM |
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
INTRANSIT 152.163.252.72 |
23-Dec-03/5:28 AM |
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L-14 I'm floating blind. I get it. I just don't like the way it hits my ears for some reason. Excellent variation from traditional sonnets. 9.99
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
richa 81.178.224.24 |
23-Dec-03/7:44 AM |
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Very good, like the alliterations.
A couple of picks:-
Skeletal and flotsam are too eccentric words, they disrupt the flow of sounds and thought. And unconnected soul is perhaps an assertion too far (are souls not supposed to be indivisible).
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| Re: 7th one about Jon by Plaidypus |
richa 81.178.224.24 |
23-Dec-03/7:47 AM |
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'i am the peach pit (pith/stone?)/spit out' Is the best line, needs more like that though.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
richa 81.178.224.24 |
23-Dec-03/7:50 AM |
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you need to at least give a clue as to why you will know whether you have won or lost (what?) until your life is through.
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| Re: Friday afternoon Zoo by INTRANSIT |
richa 81.178.224.24 |
23-Dec-03/7:54 AM |
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This could be a commentary from either side of the cage. (I'm guessing the spectators)
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| Re: Words: lost in translation by fair12 |
richa 81.178.224.24 |
23-Dec-03/7:56 AM |
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very good, line breaks and fresh images on every line. My favourite is 'as a lake in a thimble'
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
richa 81.178.224.24 |
23-Dec-03/8:06 AM |
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The rhythm is too disrupted, too many words repeated, the third verse conclusion doesn't track with the argument.
The first two verses at least got my interest though, as though they were going to say something.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
richa 81.178.224.24 |
23-Dec-03/8:09 AM |
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Is this true, or did you use your imagination?
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| Re: TRUTH by somemorepoetry |
richa 81.178.224.24 |
23-Dec-03/8:12 AM |
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FALSEHOOD
cute idea though, whimsical.
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| Re: Little Bird by Blindpoetry |
richa 81.178.224.24 |
23-Dec-03/8:15 AM |
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(a)bsurd.
Quite good, the bit about loving the bird at the end is daft. The selfishness to keep the bird for yourself, saying the outside world is worse, praising captivity is rather well written.
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| Re: You Give Me Love by Free2Rhyme15 |
richa 81.178.224.24 |
23-Dec-03/8:18 AM |
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