| regarding some deleted poem... |
kingit 67.69.63.23 |
3-Dec-03/11:16 PM |
|
|
 |
| regarding some deleted poem... |
Jeremi B. Handrinos 24.126.116.54 |
3-Dec-03/5:39 PM |
|
Probably really good! 10!
|
|
|
|
| Re: Biased. by darby pyn |
Jeremi B. Handrinos 24.126.116.54 |
3-Dec-03/6:19 PM |
|
I would put "evolution by war" in the piece somewhere, and end at "natural selection".
|
|
|
|
| Re: Provacation by J.B. Manning |
Jeremi B. Handrinos 24.126.116.54 |
3-Dec-03/6:25 PM |
|
Procrastination was as far as I could get, and I figured, the best place to stop.
|
|
|
|
| Re: Junky Dreaming by J.B. Manning |
Jeremi B. Handrinos 24.126.116.54 |
3-Dec-03/6:27 PM |
|
|
|
| Re: life in general by timvick473662003 |
Jeremi B. Handrinos 24.126.116.54 |
3-Dec-03/6:30 PM |
|
God wants you to make a lemming and sink you constipated bowl of godsoaked goat pellets.
|
|
|
|
| Re: ?? by timvick473662003 |
Jeremi B. Handrinos 24.126.116.54 |
3-Dec-03/6:31 PM |
|
A brave thought timmy. A brave thought indeed.
|
|
|
|
| regarding some deleted poem... |
nothingtoanyone 63.183.241.139 |
3-Dec-03/7:02 PM |
|
HAHA this made me laugh lol.I'll give you a 9.
|
|
|
|
| regarding some deleted poem... |
Jeremi B. Handrinos 24.126.116.54 |
3-Dec-03/9:00 PM |
|
|
|
| regarding some deleted poem... |
Jeremi B. Handrinos 24.126.116.54 |
3-Dec-03/9:07 PM |
|
My name's Orson. I'm a Butcher.
|
|
|
|
| regarding some deleted poem... |
kingit 67.69.63.23 |
3-Dec-03/11:34 PM |
|
thank you for the break-down. Must remember not to forget...scintillating!
|
|
|
|
| regarding some deleted poem... |
RealmOfSong 68.99.112.100 |
4-Dec-03/8:10 AM |
|
when i read the title i thought "scissorman" but anyway, yeah i like this ^_^
|
|
|
|
| Re: The War On Pedophilia by miraclemaker |
RealmOfSong 68.99.112.100 |
4-Dec-03/8:12 AM |
|
I dont think pedophilia or bestiality are jokes either... doing something like that takes a heinously sick mind...
but the poem is good ^_^
|
|
|
|
| regarding some deleted poem... |
Shardik 24.126.116.54 |
4-Dec-03/9:30 AM |
|
|
|
| Re: ?? by timvick473662003 |
Shuushin 147.154.235.53 |
4-Dec-03/9:30 AM |
|
A sorrowful sentiment - but there is truth in it.
I'm torn whether to crit on the simplicity of it - the easy idiom with blue moon, the telling not showing...
but you know what? the effect is to add to the sense of ennui. The title even adds to the defeated/deflated realism.
I've done maybe a half dozen poems with a similar theme and really they all boil down to the same thing; they boil down to this.
So - have an 8 and keep writing.
|
|
|
|
| Re: life in general by timvick473662003 |
Shuushin 147.154.235.53 |
4-Dec-03/9:36 AM |
|
What you have here is a list of poems that are waiting for you to write (God told me to tell you that - that, and "tell him to wash his Me-damned socks").
I used to do more of this "mouthpiece of God" thing, but there's no prophet in it.
|
|
|
|
| regarding some deleted poem... |
richa 81.178.253.146 |
4-Dec-03/9:22 AM |
|
Like the line spacing, and it certainly reads well. Quite cold/ clinical even. Always beware of pop psych cliches though for they are the worst kind.
|
|
|
|
| Re: The War On Pedophilia by miraclemaker |
richa 81.178.253.146 |
4-Dec-03/9:27 AM |
|
ok the first half if not a little confusing. The number of images drag the reader about too much. The second part you seem to be writing about yourself for some reason, did you get bored of the paedophilia thing.
|
|
|
|
| Re: xxxmas by kingit |
richa 81.178.253.146 |
4-Dec-03/9:28 AM |
|
cute word play, the last five lines of the first verse seem to lose the way though.
|
|
|
|
| Re: untitled by darby pyn |
Shardik 24.126.116.54 |
4-Dec-03/10:23 AM |
|
|
|
