| regarding some deleted poem... |
Shuushin 147.154.235.52 |
2-Dec-03/8:54 AM |
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It does convey a sadness, and sympathy; perhaps near empathy. Too many words maybe? I'd like to see a distilation of this.
-7-
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
horus8 24.126.116.54 |
1-Dec-03/3:50 PM |
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Comforting, extremely comforting.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
horus8 24.126.116.54 |
1-Dec-03/3:52 PM |
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There's some thing about the word perch that gets me all Walleyed. lol.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
horus8 24.126.116.54 |
1-Dec-03/6:33 PM |
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The way you merge the second and third person is practically genius. Yet, so is the way I pick my nose.
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| Re: Kittens and Pocket Money by Shuushin |
Dan garcia-Black 67.122.15.18 |
1-Dec-03/9:03 PM |
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Angst-nog topped with a dash of nice. A great desert poem. Good work!
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| Re: Leap! by Jill Stockinger |
kingit 67.69.63.83 |
1-Dec-03/9:27 PM |
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nice clear thought-line...finally. acquiesced with a 10!
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| Re: thoughts and feelings (draft) by crwncka1 |
crwncka1 66.141.123.137 |
1-Dec-03/9:36 PM |
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
kingit 67.69.63.83 |
1-Dec-03/9:38 PM |
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Fairly decent, though, not your best by far. Dissappointing end.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
kingit 67.69.63.83 |
1-Dec-03/9:42 PM |
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The 59th second of the 59th minute & my mum likes IT too! acquiesced with a 10!
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
kingit 67.69.63.83 |
1-Dec-03/9:49 PM |
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
kingit 67.69.63.83 |
1-Dec-03/9:53 PM |
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that horus comment betters the poeme(?)!! Last stanza is best.
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| Re: Moving by kingit |
kingit 67.69.63.83 |
1-Dec-03/10:23 PM |
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Mind-bending shit!....I've just discovered you! Is there an echo in here?
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| Re: my brother's by joey |
cleverdevice 212.219.142.161 |
2-Dec-03/3:10 AM |
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I'd like to take a shit on this, but it would be a waste of my time.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
Joe-joe 170.28.4.4 |
2-Dec-03/4:16 AM |
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Hint: Focus your attention on intent and the nature of the journey.
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| Re: Moving by kingit |
richa 81.178.255.230 |
2-Dec-03/6:06 AM |
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Not bad this, the best I have seen of yours. To fit all of your poems into this one eccentric style is a mistake, form should not be arbitrary.
For once the form works here I think, the slowness, and also the short length so it doesn't hurt the eyes too much.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
richa 81.178.255.230 |
2-Dec-03/6:25 AM |
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The journey is to their death. Six men set off on a journey, and there were two you did not mention?
Anyway one for you:
An ancient inheritance law says the fortune of a rich man can only go to one person. When Mr McRich died he had two sons. The executor of the will set a task for the two brothers to see who would get the money.
The task, to see whose camel made it into town last. The brothers set of from the outskirts slowly, one raced ahead, pulled backwards. Soon they realised they would never get into town, so they asked a wise man what to do.
What was his answer.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
Shuushin 147.154.235.52 |
2-Dec-03/8:46 AM |
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hmmmm.... I can see how six would have completed the journey, but eight? Thinking...
Maybe everyone except the first six mentioned, meaning the four en-route (back) + three swimmers + one on horseback?
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
Shuushin 147.154.235.52 |
2-Dec-03/10:25 AM |
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The flow is quite nice, Richa - and i think it matches well with the leaf and the kite; blowing and touching.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
leonxic 80.205.204.178 |
2-Dec-03/10:28 AM |
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Horrible,
"He becomes a guest,
While you wrestled the BEST,"
What are you, 11 years old?
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| Re: Love by Takay Shitar |
leonxic 80.205.204.178 |
2-Dec-03/11:00 AM |
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It has potential, I'll give it a 7.
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