NoSage
on some deleted poem
12 Nov 2003, 7:30 PM
Yea, it's always colder when you walk away. I'm thinking of building a rotissary in front of my stove so I don't have to keep turning.
OOps! did not mean the slip of dad is dead. Meant Dead Is Dead.
i meant brake as into stop.No need to dream your life away.
Madam Pandora I Presume? Or the Boogie Man's boogers?
Yea, that'll show'er. well spoken, I wish I had read it before the edit, so I'd know how you've spread it
But it is not mine! I am going to be TWINKLES! And judging from your name (nothingtoanyone) it can't be yours.
do you mean that you just dont care you just want to leave as in dieing?
10
let me just say first off, dissect this all you want, i've never been in tears before when i wrote something and i was this time... because i truly can't handle the slow-motion goodbye that started tonight...
Sounds a bit hellish. Dying of a physical disease? Leaving as of a timed schedule---as in the relationship will only last x amount of time? Leaving as in till death do us part and it may take years? 20.88845
Let me say second off that I do not read comments before I write my own, so warning me about tears and such after the fact that I have done so gets no sympathy. Besides, why should you ask for consideration or a light hand on a critique of a poem you post on a public site? Seems rather silly. It is a good Woe Is Me even so!
Jeremi B. Handrinos
on Something I Hope I Would Not Hear Myself Speak by Lifeboatman
13 Nov 2003, 12:37 AM
Yes, they'll hump eachother if none else with a pointer can be found.
I wish you were.
Okay shameless plug. There is an excellent website called www.songfight.com where they post the title of a song. One writes a song based on that title and submits it. This is the lyrics for my submission laid over a folky guitar, banjo, and some damn fine soothing harmonies.
This week is 'Feathers' so check out my song on the 18th (you can also listen to my three previous submissions 'Need Stilts'(abec), 'What We Need More of is Science'(abec), and 'Happy Machine Ankle' (by Sean Canary and the Scottish Parliament Funkadelic)! Also visit the archives and listen to anything Brother Machine has submitted - expecially 'Space Cadet' and 'Driving'.
Like the repetition of strange and strangers. The first time the line is mentioned it sounds interesting but confusing, then it is built up.
I think this is the best way to use repetition.
Sorry nen, this feels forced. Or maybe I'm a simpleton.
good poem, don't agree with a word of it.
You can get three minutes out of this? More please.