| Re: The Death of Us by andrewjthomas |
SupremeDreamer 130.65.109.103 |
24-Apr-07/3:47 PM |
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I think the last stanza was an exellent cherry to this cake.
Nine.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
SupremeDreamer 130.65.109.103 |
24-Apr-07/3:55 PM |
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He needs to start selling the good stuff then... or make better bongs.
Now, what was the point here? Just wondering.
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| Re: ONLY POETRY IS FOREVER by daggatolar |
SupremeDreamer 130.65.109.103 |
24-Apr-07/4:26 PM |
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Poetry is certainly NOT forever. It is temporary, like the words and images imployed in its form. Meanings distort and crumble with time, fading like a cracked picture, till most no longer even remember...
Then it Dies, and another poet makes a new structure.
No vote.
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| Re: Chemistry by <Wankster> |
cheese.doodles 70.52.168.150 |
25-Apr-07/5:58 PM |
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Bleugh. No wonder girls don't like you all that much.
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| Re: Deserted Shopping Carts by cheese.doodles |
nypoet22 65.9.210.180 |
25-Apr-07/6:13 PM |
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nice hokku beginning, excellent underlying structure a-la-w.c.williams, both the beginning and ending are superb. the middle two stanzas drag a little, especially the third. try to get that same meaning in around half the words.
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| Re: new clothes, same old story by nypoet22 |
jessicazee 24.160.240.223 |
26-Apr-07/2:48 AM |
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do you mean castanets? (sp I think?) Like the finger cymbals? Or maybe I don't know what a castinette is? Serious.
Also, I love the last line so much. Could omit both periods.
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| Re: What it Feels Like by laurahenn2010 |
laurahenn2010 75.88.141.64 |
26-Apr-07/4:54 AM |
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Thanks guys, I'm 15 years old. Give me a break. And thanks, but I didnt vote on my own poem. that was my friend. So before you go judging, get your info straight
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
laurahenn2010 75.88.141.64 |
26-Apr-07/5:10 AM |
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yeah and you critized on my poem. this IS rubbish. makes no sense.
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| Re: Puppet & Conversation by Blindpoetry |
thetrev 137.205.251.1 |
26-Apr-07/6:51 AM |
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well this was fun. i was worried at first because your first stanza is rather patronizing and doesn't say much i didn't know already, but the second stanza really got it going... from then on you gave us bright, fresh and disturbing images, me liked...
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| Re: Benevolent Oasis by drnick |
Ranger 81.103.124.179 |
26-Apr-07/9:28 AM |
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If Dali had rhymed more often, he'd have done something like this.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
Ranger 81.103.124.179 |
26-Apr-07/9:29 AM |
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Please please please tell me the fourth stanza isn't about Fraser.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
Ranger 81.103.124.179 |
26-Apr-07/9:30 AM |
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| Re: What it Feels Like by laurahenn2010 |
Ranger 81.103.124.179 |
26-Apr-07/9:40 AM |
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If you're just starting out on the poetic road, this probably doesn't deserve the kicking it's got. It's true that it's full of cliche and vague sensation, but you have to start somewhere. Find a poet you enjoy reading and try to work out what tricks they use. Imagery, metaphor, meter etc. etc. etc. are all things to practise as you go - especially look for strong images and novel way of describing them. Rhyming dictionaries are also good resources; the best rhymer on here (zodiac) always claimed to use them.
Keep at it, listen to the criticism and ignore the insults. You'll be fine.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
Ranger 81.103.124.179 |
26-Apr-07/9:41 AM |
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| Re: I Wonder If by ToMuchPain04 |
cheese.doodles 76.64.14.95 |
26-Apr-07/4:19 PM |
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This is horrible and pimply. You've broken the sympathetic contract in the second line and you resort to tired cliches.
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| Re: Mixed Feelings by PunkyPanda |
cheese.doodles 76.64.14.95 |
26-Apr-07/4:22 PM |
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spelling mistakes and cliches totally ruin an already mediocre piece.
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| Re: My Pain 2004 by ToMuchPain04 |
cheese.doodles 76.64.14.95 |
26-Apr-07/4:23 PM |
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cliched rhymes and uncapitalized i's make this seem puerile and just... bad.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
cheese.doodles 76.64.14.95 |
26-Apr-07/4:26 PM |
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You're obsessed with your wife's breasts, aren't you? I like the first four lines.
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| Re: Voices Within by DJCopasetic |
cheese.doodles 76.64.14.95 |
26-Apr-07/4:28 PM |
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cliches and easy rhymes - bad news for any poem, I'm afraid.
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| Re: Death by Highschool_Poem_Girl |
cheese.doodles 76.64.14.95 |
26-Apr-07/4:29 PM |
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Well, your poetry would make anybody feel like that.
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