Very nice!!! 25.321 There. I made it through the lot. And raised your score! Take that, oh grumpy one!!!

I like this aggravated lightness. small nit: "distance" s/b "distant", although maybe you could do something with "long distance", dunno - might take away from the light-hearted jab of it. nice job.

I think it could be something, but it needs a hook, my friend - needs a hook. and that first line in the bridge - maybe a missing word in there; give it a read. lastly - the bridge was a bit soon for me. Maybe develop the hookline in that second bit and move the bridge down - just as a suggestion.

thanks for livening up the place.

looking for poetry or prose - seen any lately?

I second the honorable mr. mage's proposal - lets storm the castle!!

There is a new slant here that I find refreshing somehow - but I feel like there should be something more. Intesting language - yess..... interesting....

Nicely penned prose. Absotively. Would be a nice bit within a short story, I'm sure.

big points for universal appeal, I think the cat would just run away though. (cuz I pictured it sitting on the tire) now if the second line was "against the alternator" . . . or someplace similar . . .

genius -10-

Pretentious guff.

yep - he's a strange one. What is it with these chin grabbing poses!?

First line is good (I would argue with hh about archaisms and the use of my child in particular) Second line metered but fluffy and ambiguous enough to cause people to miss the connection to the rest Excellent second stanza First line of third stanza is good, but the colour choices and the absence of explanation for these colours in the second is amgibuous enough to quench the power of the first. Summary: 2nd and 6th lines are the weak points in my eye, but I like the second stanza, the concept of the colour of sun, and my reading of the poem as a whole.

I love the way you've used an egg as a metaphor for life in general.

Emotions are the fundamental building blocks that bind the spiritual, physical, mental and artistic realms. Without them, poetry and poverty become meaningless and are lost in the sands of time beneath the waves of hustle and bustle that break on the shores of our frantic modern lifestyles. I hope you agree with these sentiments, because I think your work sums them up beautifully. An excellent poeme. -10-

lol

I got a foot to lend as well...

I liked the last sentence, the rest has a little too much cliche to it

now this is some good shit!

Very good lyric, even though I wouldn't hand you any points for originality.