the poor hard-working sphincter gets no credit, as usual. shame! shame on you, mrpresident!

filter the water to let us breathe. hmm. not sure i buy that part of it.

"Lo, had the blankest of cold stares" huh? lo--how are you using this? it generally means 'look at that' or 'over there, look!' also, use a comma or a colon instead of ellipsis, and fix the apostrophe: Ireland's

A contemplation on suicide with a nice twist to it. This touching the lips of a lover must be a universal thing; such a nice image. And I think the refrain works really well.

"Friendly on tap just for a little while." not sure this works where you have it also, typo: She works wothout seam!! smooth it out, rich. it's got po-10-shall

Maybe the republican guard should shoot them all in their black-encircled eyes? Is crazy. This is crazy freeform flow/klang association. Well, at least it rhymes part way; all good poems rhyme, right?

well, Mr. _Angel=-, (if that is your real name), I am most excruciatingly inconvenienced to read this news. I was all set to "switch teams", as as the quartz-passage-harefoot had cut me to my limpid-way-quick. Alack, allay! Once again, you cause me dismay!

bravo!!! where is dear katie? have you got her in a false-closet with a non-functioning toilet? again?

you have something nice going here, but i think you need to decide whether you are addressing the audience directly, or speaking to us only in asides. If you're talking to us, lose the parentheticals, i say.

I see only one person here. Are you fondling yourself? Ah Love! Ah Desire! I looked again and tried to see another. Some how a ghost appeared. Are you really fondling yourself? Not trying to mean, just curious.

One of your best. I loved the title and the description of the leaf catching- my daughter says it is good luck to catch one in the air. You ought to submit to CBW.

I am appalled by your verbosity. Your work is weighed down with superfluous verbiage. You will never get Katie to fellate you at this rate. Your chances of succeeding in this respect are about as high as your chances of being requested by Max Clifford to assist a premiership football team in spit-roasting a 17 year old Catholic schoolgirl in the bedroom of a luxury hotel.

Amen.

Turds like that are better left unflushed for the next unsuspecting depositer.

trying to get a feeling of physical distance with the last line.

As the first verse means nothing by itself, I would shuffle it. By the second verse I was getting impatient. There seems to be a single rhyme running through- crave/ face/ faint/ place. Nice little innovation helps with flow. I just wish there was something a little dark to punch me on the last line.

If you are a stranger making lewd comments about a young katie, then you are disgusting. If she is your sister or something, I guess it is OK

I think a pimple should be unsubtle, but still express some kind of emotion. Flow is good, kind of like conversation

-nod- 10.

theres a thing about women and romance, really.. i never saw a man write as if he were expelling thoughts in a single sigh that melts the crowd. then again, i though it had.. no offense, it caught me as "romance novel" at the end. but again, thats me. heres an 8.