xxx
on some deleted poem
3 Oct 2003, 8:24 PM
Yea for OUR TEAM! March March March the ides are upon us and there are graves to fill.
some deleted user
on some deleted poem
3 Oct 2003, 8:25 PM
The difference this time, tesoro is that I am leaving your comments up no matter how many names you use. I figure everyone will bew able to see what a loser you are. Ciao and comment on. You will not get a comment in return from me.
some deleted user
on some deleted poem
3 Oct 2003, 8:26 PM
;) exactly! You see "The Follower" needs attention and it's a shame really eh? Grazie.
Anything I could say aabout this poem would be frippery, including anything I could say.
I thought I saw and voted on this before. I thought I remembered admiring the ability to be enamored by life and living. Was I dreaming or did my computer crash? Or Both?
http://poemranker.com/poem-details.jsp?id=68364
Follow this.
Cutting edge.
Rockmage would dig this because it breaks the rules of function. A sentence ended? No period, but a capital. Numerous times. And the ellipsoidal to suggest that the thought is infinite. Genius. I want what you guys are smoking.
soft as an infant’s belly = cliche
calm as a whisper = cliche
"Survived on sequence" is a nice phrase and I like the "bellies blister" but the rest of the poem is uneven. When you keep the wording simple I think you have something, when you fall into 1) cliché and 2) using broad phrases like "life’s intricacy" the poem becomes hard to take in a literary sense.
Lovely. And such original thinking.
From one Italian girl to another: this really resonates with me. Some really fresh, striking language, but some of it is puzzling. Something other than eyes stitched in cotton, or am I just not getting what you mean? The last line--ill repute--kind of throws me too. Really like this, otherwise.
Iam almost speechless, they say love and hate are parallel so your love for me is deeper then hell, Hmm? You are the first and last of my love,s how does it feel when I ride the swell over eight feet or more of perfection,,I hold my Breath and swalow hard ,,,the O2 I shared with you and then some for ever more your name is a gift, My name is your other half for ever more i love you to death.And resurrection can give a hell of an errection... see you in my reality >HEDWIG Is carved across your heart.
Dog wood blossoms have the mark of the nails that bore the weight of Jesus wrists and feet you can see the rusted blood stained blossoms in the shape of the cross.. so the tale goes a drop of blood on the shrub,, red sea exodus to freedom between huge walls of salt water its all very deep< one can be marked before birth the red under the bark skin muscle blood..this is someone very close to him blood line spiritual past life memory,No one makes anyone pry its a primal urge a uncontrolable search of closure the red sea is not very deep in all reality thus the crossing..but limbs at dusk Hmm?Arc under..?Think,,Forget all gods andmark regardless of the season time ,,keeps us all from beloved oaks, willowspalm trees,,are the fish (Sperm)Swimming slippery wonderfull sensual and holy/ The Third Isis>
ah horus, i fear i might be getting a tad soft
but, thankfully your always at attention with parody musicals..hrmm, there must always be carnivores to do vegan population controll, or a bell man with the most painful copper echos.
does my "im being gentle" mask suit me? or do i need to get more goddamn plaster and better molds?
as usual, your satire is a well crafted stand up session- 10.
hrmm. your point could be made clearer with a tad more simplicity in language.. course, im not one to discourage dictionary exploration
(webster is annoyed, ive ripped many corners and smudged the occasional few letters.)
but- the thing to keep in mind is: what is your goal? abstract, straightforward, inbetween? etc.
for now, i give a 7.
SupremeDreamer
on Before My Mother's Thighs (A free purse) by Spanish Devil by Jeremi B. Handrinos
3 Oct 2003, 11:19 PM
your certainly on a mission, thats for sure.
hows your night?
tender? the sun might be colored like an apricot, but i dont think id risk taking a bite: teeth can melt.
tender, then mentioning soft infant bellies.. perhaps overdoing the details can get redundant, make your point and tighten the output..
how the poem sparks and bangs makes a huge impact on how it affects the reader.
Okay I admit this slips me by. I am way to dumb to try to follow this one.
oh my.. im really fired up.. notepad shall be sore before the day is done..