INTRANSIT
on angst by nentwined
2 Oct 2003, 6:26 PM
need another drum of coffee/espresso/NOS?
well, gee. what happened to you?
Voom voom.
s-4 you left out a k. on purpose probably. no. I don't mean a k as in A.K.-47 either. and you're a fam crammin toyota sienna mini van. give it up.
short and lovely
mmm
first line good
second line, did you mean decent?
third line... er, oooookay... if you say so...?
I think the poem should end with "and into the light".
the rest is a little pedagogic.
Hm. Part I is a ten. Part II and III is a seven maybe.
Yup.
This poem makes my nuts swell. Watch out for tree rats.
can you teach me how to do that? It is sooo terribly missing from my poetry. much better sitting this way it is it is. 9.5 because this was easy for you.
Pervert.
Awwwwwwwwwllllllllllll. Better hit the spank bank until then, eh? As far as the poem goes, for all of the underlying meaning to the intended, the first part sets up a great image and the slowly the poem falls apart as you leave that image and go a meandering. Puppy love will do that sort of thing to a poet. Especially a Canadian poet.
some deleted user
on some deleted poem
2 Oct 2003, 8:21 PM
Some guy was harrassing me. So I just deleted my poetry. It's ok, I'm not going to let him get to me. I paid a visit to his gallery and went off on him "Italian Style" ;)
is there an echo in here?
some deleted user
on some deleted poem
2 Oct 2003, 8:28 PM
Great idea, grazie. I also have a typo I see. I shouldn't of rushed. This was actually just a journal entry I typed up one morning. :)
Odd and over used adjectives popping up like pimples on the moons lovely face. Ouch! And why no caps. Is that a choice of style, because if it is, it really doesn't help the poem much. Maybe the poem would be better if you tried to simplify what you are trying to say instead of wrapping it up in cliché.
some deleted user
on some deleted poem
2 Oct 2003, 8:33 PM
I've never been one for caps in my poetry. I however do cap when submitting my work. I have sent in pieces that were not capped and they were published. Hmmm...they might of capped them. ;)Thank you for your comments.
A lovely piece through and through. Bravo, Tesoro.
some deleted user
on some deleted poem
2 Oct 2003, 8:46 PM
Grazie. I just tossed a few pieces up today before work. I want to get "The Replacement" back up. I wrote that after watching "Band of Brothers" in which was a wonderful and moving movie. Thanks for dropping in. :)
As are you with this. You know, someone likes giving bunches of those anonymous 0's also. Write one for those cowards.