irishfolksuicide
on some deleted poem
2 Oct 2003, 1:16 PM
Quite like the refrain of the first two lines.
Not sure about the repetition of swell and nuts though.
entwine is one of my favorite words, but I'm sure there are other reasons I like this poem. quite fun. :)
Some parts caught my attention, others faded like night into day, but it might be more attributed to my drowsy work day. I give it a 7 all the same.
I like the message in this poem. I think you could work the lyric into something more fluid, but I like the core of it.
My favourite part is when you say Collages. urp.
565
:blink:
566. funny how quickly one can read 'zero' when not paying attention.
la.
I don't like the way you use the title, but... no, I don't like it. That is all.
self-rewarding tens
do not attract green brethren
You are a zero.
cliche'd cliches tossed on to look like depth.
Talent without purpose or focus is such a sad thing to witness.
Dancer and prancer and vixen it's not. The cadence is great. I like it a lot.
short and sweet
I like the last line best.
Just a bit to plaintive. And very unrealistic. Who listens to pleas?
A path traveled again and again.
In what country is this a Sonnet in?
This is a sign of ignorance. You belong in the woods.
Don't kill me, and just sit there
And fall in love with bad health care
It's too hard to not see them stare
As I gravity bong through my tubed air
What is this? Er..nice close? Maybe try again, I'm sure you'll be writing poetry in no time! I have faith in you! Just keep your head up okay? I know rhyming is hard. ;) *Hugs*
You have issues. I'm sure Jerry Springer has an opening this fall. I'll see if he can't book you. *Hugs*
See? You came to my poetry and trashed every one. I don't think that is cool coming from a grown man who writes about poop. I think it's because you live in the woods. You need to lay off the moonshine and quit blaming all of us for your mishap on the log when you had to squeal like a pig. You should of took it like a man eh?
And you thought I'd like to date you? I'd rather pull my finger nails off with pliers!
I agree. Nice piece.