SupremeDreamer
on Last attempt at "My Father's Dreams" by Joe-joe
22 Sep 2003, 8:06 PM
whisper: joe.. you could cut it by half and actually make it a bomb.
Nice one. Very nice indeed.
Cute but pointless. I must admit..I did laugh at the 3rd verse. Yes Mysterious one.....me again! Happy to see me?
you know what this is, babe? *rubs thumb and forefinger together* It's the world's smallest violin playing the saddest song ever just for you and all the talentless sad little fucks whose feelings have been hurt. If your poemes blow bishops for bus fare, we call you on it. If you want unending praise on your tedious twaddle, tell it to your cat. Actually don't, that's animal abuse. In short, two points of order:1. Whine at someone who cares. 2. Eat me.
I give it Two thumbs DOWN!!
Nice. I like the Berserk one.
Girl on girl action that fails to even harden one nipple. FAIL!
:snaps fingers:
I think this could make a very interesting painting; you definitely got enough imagery there. I stumble for cadence on the second line.
If I had a 'personal favorites' section implemented, this would be added to it just for the picture I'm seeing. On the off chance that I'd try to paint it someday. meanwhile, I'll just make a note to myself on skwerms.org. :) 7, still, for its slight awkwardness, and I don't see it going over an 8, for content. odd, that.
"and live in fear all the while" has stresses in the wrong places. "gotta learn to defend" is missing a syllable. and same with "all your junk 'til the end"--but that you can just make "until" and it's good to go. (btw, till is used in "to till a field"), the one you're wanting is the shortened form of "until". the apostrophe replaces the "un", and there's no need to add an l.
beyond that... nice, simple poem; with rhythm tweaks, I think this would be solid, and in any case is good to get out of the system. :)
I considered being a nice person and not hassling you about your mom (I have a target for that), thereby skipping this poem. However, I read it. You owe me thirty seconds of a perfectly miserbable life. I'd just like to say I agree with Mr. Dreamer. Also, if you held the knife above your head, the angle would likely cause the blade to bounce off your rib or more likely collarbone and you'd just cut off your tit. Not saying that wouldn't be an idea. By the way, nobody does care. Except sliver, but he doesn't count. Likely just wants in your pimply panties anyway.
whats this? the perversion of hidden dragon scenes?
masterpiece!!!! 10!!!! WISE BUDDAH SPEAKS!!!
Well that was a complete waste..Why don't you do us all a favor and go jump off a cliff. I can literally feel my brain frying as I read the garbage you call haiku..You call me talent-less? Yea riiiiight..I'm the worlds greatest compared to this shit. Go to hell and die, you have no right to critisize my work..Let me never again see your name disgrace my message boards.
10!!!!
you dislike this site SOOOO much, but yet you continue to post and come here?
your an idiot.