ecargo
on Intersection poetry by INTRANSIT
23 Sep 2003, 7:10 AM
Take it further.
If we followed this, would poemranker cease to exist?
I like it.
You never fail to disappoint
Unpleasant as always. Not a good example of the genre.
pump up the musak
Some decent stuff in here, but the straight-out ranting sinks it. And "swatherings" isn't a word in any dictionary I know.
This has some of your usual grace, but I don't really get a sense of context --maybe throw a few clues as to causes or create a denser atmosphere? The ending seems a little melodramatic.
I'm not keen on emery for some reason. I suspect the stanza would need to be revised to correct and I know what a pain that can be. otherwise, this flows much better.
yep. really need to work on your flow on this one, too. the form of the piece is not conducive to persuasion, nor is the lack of punctuation. If you want to get your point across, with any poem, (or with any thing in life), you have to make your rant respectable. (or are we just flinging mud, here? why call this free verse and put it up for rating, when you can smear your lipstick all over the urinals in the "suggestions" area?)
If you are simply here in the hopes of having your ego stroked, your are more naiive than your years. If you are here for honest criticism... well, you might find some. I do my best, when I can find the time. But really, what can you expect from a site that touts itself as inspired by "hotornot"?
It is the internet. Hear it roar. It is ugly. It is fine. It's where I sometimes speak my mind. Some others simply scream and shout, roll in feces, and throw it out.
And if you're one of the regulars just pulling our chains, well, I just wasted several minutes coming up with this response. I hope you're proud.
i came too early
sooo over it
A changeling of meaning given shelter for confession
My friend Burgers. Don't know how, but my arm twitched and clicked on a 7 involuntarily.
This is the best poeme about Burgers that could possibly be written. 10.
This is really excellent. I laughed out loud when I read the last line of the third stanza. And again when I came to the last line of the poem.
I now conclude that -=Dark_Angel=- is not ?-Dave_Mysterious-? but I think they are friends from Trinity College as they both know the said Mr Turner, upon whom the nickname "Burgers" has been bestowed.
You are gay.
It does make me feel all fuzzy in my special areas, yes. Now, I told you what was wrong with your shit. Don't kill the messenger. Write less shit. I haven't called you one name yet, you silly tart. Now I have. Yet again, with emphasis: If you don't like it here, leave. Go back to the safe poeme-snuggles you would enjoy more. Also, please fuck yourself six ways from Sunday while you're at it. Hugs 'n' Kisses! Last, this isn't a poem.
Brittanyy. A wise and insightful poet such as yourself will surely realise the the other wise and insightful users of this site were referring to inner beauty when the called you ugly. Having looked at the fruits of your fury I can only agree with them, in the same vein 'baby' comments are also very aposite.
If you wish your poetry to be judged as you wish you should be at pains to point out before each poem that you are 16, and would people please only leave nice comments. Without this warning I would be in terrible danger of thinking 'what a load of shite', without realising that a poor soul such as yourself had written it. Of course, because you are SO young, that makes your poetry brilliant.
You want it both ways. You want to play with the big boys, but only the bits of the game that involve them being nice to you. Resemblance to life = 0. 16 is not very young, you can't hide your crappy poetry behind that facade. As much as horus8, DA, nentwined etc. might go a bit far I can't help but agree with them.
1. Grow up.
2. Stop being such a cry baby, it's very unbecoming.
3. Write for yourself, not the inhabitants of the murky world of poemranker.
4. Stop dredging the shallows of your limited emotional experiences for inspiration, write something fun.
5. You are just a whiney little teenager. In a few years time I hope you look back on your rants with horrible shame and embarassment.
6. Many great minds have produced some of their best at 16 or younger. A bonus prize if you can name 10.
Best Wishes HH
"Did work the daedalus machine"? (I know daedalus built the maze, but seems an odd way to put it.) Keenly rendered, B.Z.B., but it seems more poem fragment than poem.