some deleted user
on Babelfish Poetry (VI): les Graines de Notre Fin (Français) by Geschäftsreise
15 Sep 2003, 4:51 PM
Quit speakin in tongues.
Very beautiful evocative line: clinging us each tighter to the other
Liked this poem Very much
Jill Stockinger
on My nails are in love with your chalkboard by Jeremi B. Handrinos
15 Sep 2003, 3:57 PM
Thought provoking, but not great poetry.
"with every raising of the sun
A new ray of hope was given" sounds too trite, too cliched.
I like the equating of getting on and off a bus with life in general, final last stop being death- should work on this poem more, neat idea here.
Felt it was a good beginning, makes one point but not enough there to really grab me and keep my interest
This has some very nice imagery, some nice lines- but it is not all that clear a poem- interesting you divide one word -overlooking- into 2 words- I do see 2 errors in grammar-
I assume ghost should be plural (ghosts) and adults needs an apostrophe at the end of it: adults' game.
The first phrase is a bit offputting- using "but" there sounds pretentious. "I AM a broken child" is more direct and hardhitting, I think. Explaining why it is a sea of "great minds" would be good- otherwise,it is very unclear. However, there is potential here, worth working on more.
Nice image, enjoyed this!
I like that you picked one immage and developed it with CONSISTENCY.
Didn't get the allusion to "thy sight" - and blood dripping down and then going "up" to heaven I found confusing- The first part- ending at the line "out stepping intangible boundaries" does not mesh well with rest of poem. Seem like 2 separate parts that do not go together well.
Blipped out by a robot. Next!
An interesting appraisal of maternal middle-americas.
You are lost in some otherwordly perambulations even I cannot without proper ballast consider.
If there were no darkness, I would smell worse in all that light.
I'm always whining about my life too...only I put it in people's food.
lapel-grab-haymaker-followthrough. not pulled.
sadness+sadness=sadness
Ok, I'm oversurplussed on city traffic. Trade ya for that cliff? Well done. Always good to hear from the Prime Minister.
This touched me somewhere.
A puppet with poopy pants.
Lawd knows I knead the hep.
some deleted user
on some deleted poem
15 Sep 2003, 4:36 PM
Sorrow does not rhyme with tomorrow if you say it enough.