yee-haw.

an advert disguised as a poem. Bit like swedens eurovision entry which claimed to be a song, when it was an instrumental with some guy talking at the beginning. anyway this 'poem' is sweet as pie and dark. I like it. When you are famous will your name be j handrinos?

Change the opener. I think the rest is great.

Do you really know Rufus Wainwright? I saw him once on "Later with Jools Holland" on BBC 2. Playing "Foolish Love". Quite good.

I'd much rather be there than runnin' this east coast shit! Rock the house, dude! I'd love to hear n.i.w.s. ! fuck.

Somewhat impenetrable, but some good lines. You lose your meter in "the young as some other race"--since you stick pretty closely to it otherwise, its loss is jarring here. Your refrain (full circle/becoming) could do well as the repeating lines of a villanelle.

great, another I'm back/ I'm not like you / even though I write poems/ proud to be a redneckl/ I'm not gay/ look I hate gays/ your gay/ aren't I very post modern/ and ironic/ bla bla bla

unconventional way to use analogy in the first line. Sets a frivolous tone. you repeat sheets in the final verse which is unneeded. The jump to second verse is less than seemless. other than that ace -8-

You're lousy at hiding your skill behind pimple poetry. unquenchable has to go. needs tweaks, but keep it.

Nights in White Satin? The Whiskey--very impressive! Knock 'em dead!

suggestion for opening revision: Find the difference between a bedsheet and a phone call. Both hang off a line Both, means for entangling ourselves In every desire.

probably should not include thee in a poem just to rhyme. There is an awful lot to sort through here, and it feels like you could shorten it and strengthen its essence. the surprise at the end is made good by the reference to heir earlier on (I had presumed it was some rich bloke) and then it clicked.

I enjoyed your poem, and it held my interest. Not that I have a short attention span. I havn't owned a T.V. in eight years. With most poems, I read the first few lines and see no reason to finish. I think what they lack is a hook. Not like a hook in a Pop song, but the kind that makes you wonder whats next. I suppose it just boils down to creativity, weather it be what the poem is about or how it's told, there needs to be something unusual. Your poem was beautiful because it took me to a place I have not been. Thanks (10)

This is fucking awful. And I hate busted. Especially the tall one. They should be put in a maximum security prison where they will be forced to sleep with the light on every night of their lives.

too prosaic really, nothing new. I quite like the rhyme of the first three lines, flows well.

rejoice! we are truly blessed!

bogart

don't touch it.

hate the passive voice, richa. and what does 'brown' add? please tell me what you meant by it. your work is so spare--make every word count. and do you mean to have 'gone' be plural?