put it asll together, tighter. again, get rid of the extra baggage. say what you mean, and less.

no. not a buuterfly. god no.

Why would Mona Lisa carve anything? She was just a ginky painting.

How did your face gets worms and arsenic on it? And why did people choose to lick it when they got close to see?

I warned you about making false statements in court.

How can someone gracefully sit, unless there was a turnip there?

L3: conflict in personification: that/who L14: "And precarious fob eachother off as," makes no sense--punctuation might help, or redefine your meaning L16: what does "the" leviathan have to do with anything? and since when is there only one? if this were a vocab assignment, you would get 50%. but i am not trying to be mean. just askking you to think to the best of your ability. it seems you are throwing up veils for the sake of the unlearned. set a tone and keep it. if you would be abstruse, be so throughout. have an even temper, sirrah. you strive to impress, methinks. instead, perhaps, you might strive to enlighten, or better yet, communicate. no vote yet.

Where do pimples come from? This is really the cry of your poem. Pimples come when people think too much of their grandmothers at orgies.

How come you were drinking grapefruit juice when Jesus was already on fire?

I imagined that peace came when this poem died.

If you were any more gymnastical, you would be fantastical.

You should have ended with the 'he, be, me' triumvirate; this was a stark and seeking poem, even before Mr. B pooed on me.

When I click Random your poem keeps coming up...I think this means something.

Eyes don't go anywhere; if they did they would go squish.

bill there are still too many extra words. e.g., what could the bra be _but_ discarded.? etc. cut it down, because it's raw. it's pittsburgh, baby. seared outside, raw, in.

all you perverts how would all you perverts feel if someone dumped you squealing in a field of bare aliens peeling could this heal your wacky rubber could this seal your fleshy limp in a field under factory blimps

when I tied myself to trees I was interestingly pretty you were a daffodil on a stump you'd spilled your scent over stinkier lumps the lumberjacks came in bumbling stride their hatches, axes brushed their thighs they tucked their whelps in my heaping pie one by one, guns grunted and stunted powerful floods from flowerful pudders the ropes I'd used, I'd bound too tight I did not bruise I did not fight my nightfall came from a heavier height.

why did your sister eat starfish?

why did the Ku Klux Klan go in that movie?

does that mean our moments are really hats we sat on accidentally and we are in disguise when we get dizzy?