Congratulations, the love you feel is the truest of all poetry. Re-work the last line. You jump from skin to heart, there must be a better segue.

A fine piece of brilliance.

is the last scene deleted, bill? because it feels really, really real.

Ok first I love the 3rd line, not sure why yet but it has something to do with sound. I see beauty in imperfection as well so we become members of different camps at line 2, not good. Then it just pretty much falls apart. "CAUSE" is not a word. Also that last line is just Lauren Bacall in Key Largo.

Your poem is as empty as your wit (in that you couldn't imagine where to properly place it). Confessor

Don't you see that you're fighting a losing battle? You are a poo crime amongst cattle. C

hey this is really, really good - maybe coz im stoned it seems to really speak to me wow a 9.

I like your imagery. I like how it appeals to several of the senses.

I gave this a nine last night? Hmmmm, that's odd.

You lose me at Samsung binary. Isn't that an electronics co.? Plus it sounds fugly. The Opitical Mouse!? Oh yeah, speck nerdy to me. Did get an astronomy badge in Boy Scouts? Do they have a poetry badge?

That was like an episode of eight is enough on bad acid. hiss boo hiss boo. Tomatos on your face. I don't believe you offered a good enough narrative to grant my inclination to give a shit.

That was funny. I am naked. Often at night when I am to lazy to commit to the other 30 feet required to hit the toilet? I pee in the sink, and it does smell quite horrible, I do confess.

That wasn't very nice. Not very nice at all, but today, I will have you know, I am killing a ballerina with a Sestina, and my friend it will be murder. Did you know that I can write fantastic poetry in every style both handed? While you however are pretending that your on a Harley Davidson of poetry when in fact you're still on that old 1979 Schwinn's hot red bannana seat flicking your tassels and toeing your reflectors. Tsk. Do not fool with murder young man until you have at least written twent to thirty vilanelles, odes and the occasional limmerick haiku concrete lyric. It's immature and does not make you look good in a dress.

I enjoyed it.

mmmmm...poon tang. A wonderful flowing description of the girl that is intermingled with the act itself. They are one and the same. Excellent, it read smoothly.

Nice sentiment, terrible poem.

Always funny and concise.

Sounds like something dark angek gummed to death then tried to hatch under his pillow. Never write about how you feel directly. It's immature, and will cause you to end your comments with ridiculous side ways faces. Used as ice breakers. Such as ;) or :( 0r :| but tell me... What if the truth is B# ? and we are all just Eyelidless bandaid mouthed buggers. What then Jay bone? will you be ;( or :] because I will get a | and -------O-|-< from the sky.

skimming the surface, using the same old metaphors, roses, ice cream.. continue to dream, my sleeping beauty, till you find that your living a nightmare.. strike out motherfucker, be original.. or atleast put a new twist to old shit..

On second read it was better, much better.