"precursor of death, self condemnation" "of" could be 'to'or 'for'. "those whom choose an other path" "an" could 'the'. "and the prostitute you have all ways been" 'always' would work better. Although. I do think that was a rather creative way of saying it also.

Just one. More obos and less fodder.

fucking hilarious

Not sure about the Gaelic expreessions it deprived me of knowing the ending. I would stick to the same formula as the end of a poem is of utmost importance to understand and call me a vacuous poppinjay but I never. The rhythm upto that point is dandy 7

reminds me of a Neil Young song and yes, you get the point across of how we're just a number, metric and disposable. Lose the brackets you don't need them, leave that for the reader to decide. 7 Too much use of the word shit in stanza 3, otherwise its a grilled goose.

cleverdevice whishes he were any of those things! i think the suicide rate would certainly increase.

Men cannot become demons or angels. They are two different creatures entirely, but NICE TRY U!

No, I don't remember anything.

"momories" possibly the funniest and best accidentilly created word to date. Otherwise your poem is a dead and bloating yak.

Honest but thoughtful. Or should that be honest and thoughtful? i like the additions in parentheses.

i love this one, only--who is it about? A news story? It's frightening, in a way. Or at least spooky.

Sounds like something nicole kidman would star in. I would fix that typo though, because, it instantle turns this ahh.., insiteful? observation into a hoot, it makes this less serious than you intended, in other words.

There is no joy greater than owning a pet parakeet.

A bit contrived at the end, you know. "Let there be light" "I was blind now i see" "How could I have been so blind?" etc. inf. BUT overall, it had me interested. I would end it better. I'm familiar with your structure, naturally, since I patented it. Otherwise okey do. 8

The well is dry. Yet, buckets keep coming. Falling into that blackhole. Wishes & drowning shimmering coins. Aged leaders weighing me down. Distant circles of light. But miry walls keep me trapped. There was a ladder. But I've long since hit bottom." Thank you, I did an edit for you too. feel free to pick and choose from any components i've modifeid or introduced. I am very flattered as always, and am your friend.

Get rid of all the melodrama and write it what it she did and your reaction. I don't want to sound like a balding, cock scratchin ghead master but this poem could be done in about 6 lines it just drones on and on blah blah blah. All you need to do is condense and edit, some potential but all this bitch craps gottta go. I've read a few of yours and this for you is average.

Bad spell day for me by the looks of it.

why dont more people read your stuff? its better than the pinkbunnys!! (o:

well at least we had the "high-tech-ventillation-system" no it WASNT rain.

Layered and well executed 9