Damn, I really like the first part because it really bites as satire. the play on the cake is a great idea. Then you pull and Sinclair and make a statement at the end; become a bit rhetorical. I think you should try keeping the tone of the beginning all the way through. Keep the humor, Make it hurt.

MMMMMMM. Yep maybe 'last' summer?

Oh, but could've done w/out the "emerald eyes" (been there).

Try actually asking. Communicating is more than insults, tantrums and posture. It takes both subjects to compromise.

Spent some time on this one I can see. Nicely done and I agree with most the points you made keep up the good work. -10-

Rather vague. And the "that" alone on a line has got to go. I see where you might be going with it, but you might try and clear it up a bit.

Clichés ruin both poems; although the idea is not necessarily empty. Try cutting down on the heavy handed word drama.

Nice. I like the shift from the pain of lack of respect of your art from critics to the pain of seeing that child, to whom you will give your unconditional love, sick and "caged" in her incubator. Liked the matter of fact quality of these lines, particularly: "When all that was needed Was for me to ejaculate in someone's birth canal To capture beauty?" And I liked how you said "capture beauty" and the child ends up "caged". Babies in NICU's are so amazing, if she has/had feeding tubes and IV's and monitors, those might be interesting to add. Again, very nice.

The poem does have a very nice flow to it till you get to poof ! Bring the reader in, give them the ending they want... made the picture clear. First verse/stanza (what ever you want to call it) doesn't seem to fit. Maybe I'm missing something... if you use imagenation it fits... but I think I like it better without. (If you can explain the first part to the rest I would be grateful, would love to be able to understand) Keep on writing and keep the good work flowing. -8-

Very good, well written. As for god, I have explained why she doesn't answer anyone. Too many Children, None of them raising their hands, all talking out of turn. Its Tragic really. -10-

whoa....i've been gone for a few days and when i come back three poems in the top ten! poemranker never fails to surprise... - 10 -

I cannot believe I read that.

Very nice.

http://www.salon.com/media/1998/09/01media.html I think you will appreciate this. Every good writer ultimately needs and editor. Even Stan rice had and editor! Reply X  horus8 24.126.113.154 09-Aug-03, 12:46 PM Editors edit not theorize about the benefits of editors. Misses Peabody from NFG magazine couldn't edit a cantalope for breakfast with her staff of flunkys. That is my opinion, and if she wants to disagree she can put her writing and editing where her mouth is, because I have yet to see any literature that would contrast my point. As for the eighties and Lish? Who gives a fuck. And as for Stan Rice... Ha ha! You care more about that guy and bring him up more than I ever have. Cheers. Reply X  poetandknowit 67.40.59.239 09-Aug-03, 01:48 PM Your right, you do not need an editor. You write perfect little ditties. Sorry about the declines from NFG. However, I bet you are declined a lot because no one understands how deep and poetic you are. Fuck them all. You are better than that and deep, deep underground. Maybe I was thinking different for a minute, but no, you are a joke. Reply X  horus8 24.126.113.154 09-Aug-03, 02:27 PM You are an idiot. I do need an editor you ass. That's what I'm fucking saying? An editor takes the poetry and edits it, sends it back to the author for approval, or any of his changes, then vice versa again until it satisfies both all parties included. you know that as well as I do. When you have a board of editors half of which can't write, and ALL contradicting each other's suggestions while even unaware that they're doing that? I mean give me a break... Ha ha, Oh and through the entire process the poet is called on to do the actual editing via vague contradictory suggestions? I believe that to be a joke. I need an editor that edits. You are a joke Mrs. Peabody, not I. So let's review. I need an editor. I love editors, but only editors that indeed 'edit'. If you think for a moment Lish edited from the phone verbally, or by offering his writers a one sentence critique you my friend are the joke because, that man wrote while 'editing', he made the appropriate changes, okayed it with the author in question, and then sent it through. You are a lazy idiot to think otherwise, not that I didn't know that already Senior asswear. Reply X  horus8 24.126.113.154 09-Aug-03, 02:34 PM Oh, and by the way, fuck you. Your poetry sucks. Rest assured in knowing it's not about who's better than who, or "underground" or any of that shit you fucking pretentious jealous twit. It's about the art form and the magic of story telling... You fucking think I care so much about image, and you couldn't be farther from the heart. Any day any time any where you say when, and I will put your argument in the trash can where it belongs along with your contrived selfish agenda. Poet and Knowit? Yeah, how fucking ridiculous does that user name sound, and you call me a joke. HA!

I agree with the other comment. Its short, simple and does have its own little charm about it. -8- Keep up the good work and keep on writing :)

Very nice. I loved this one: "Frayed tires roam intumescing ferroconcrete, unfolded infinitely along the gangdoms of Los Angeles."- good vocabulary words!

I enjoyed this piece. 9.

Its very powerful i liked it

*sigh*... im quite happy with this one.. of course, please do point out any problems etc, that i didnt see, this one i want to perfect till it stands solid, unmovable. :)

See now this is a poem. Hands downm a great observation, but statues are hand made Willows are not, and Joes are never lucky it always runs out during the switch from boy to man. 10.