I love the build, climax, and resolution to this...(pun intended?) Genius, sheer genius! 10.

Definatly gotta be the top one. Go with what you like in poetry. Look never be unwilling to try something new but if it doesn't work out for you then don't do it. Simply put. The top version is well worth a -10- from me. The bottom would be an -8-. So here is a -10-.

Nice note about "The bottom just sounds copied and forced to be something it doesn't want to be." "The lake of tears slap" Lake of tears? can you use some like... imagination? the top can never be what it wants to be, even at the top, due to it being fattened with worthless cliche crap like that. "Alone it stands," my god.. yeah, that really was an original way to see it.. this needs some style.. looks like it should be titled: A Poet Weeping on a Pillow... Stop whining, god thats fucking boring.. skull fuck me to death amazing, i almost blinked.. but no. I passed out, and i was on meth.. no offense, just my lil ole opinion.. Other than that, its worth an 8, so thats your blessing. go in peace..

Hey, hold on. How can the chasms be tiled? What was it before? Clay-tiled roof or something...I had the picture of decrepit shed roofs before and that really worked for me.

I think Bedroom Butchershop is so much better just because it's succinct. This is just too much of a rant for me.

Okay, I'm an idiot 'cuz I don't understand this poem in the least and yet I enjoy these images immensely. If it's not too much of a kick in the nuts, could you please give me a clue about those last four lines? Reserving my vote. I'm glad I didn't read the version with "indecent proposal" in it.

"Guilt is 'liberty's' sword" is an epiphany to me although I would just capitalize Liberty instead of using quotations. It links really well to the first three lines of the last stanza. Then the last three lines confuse me. Are you changing perspective? Suddenly it's "you" and "her". What happened to "I"? Finally, I like what you're saying in the first stanza but, it feels bulky to me. Best of luck on this!!

Ooh, this is a delicate one. When the smelts are running the rivers really are silver though I could see if you didn't want to overplay the s sound. E minor doesn't have to be a chord, it could be a key, which I think is how you meant it. Try "the trombones minor key" as most people wouldn't know E from F to hear it, but could recognize Major from minor.

I don't know, that second stanza is just weird to me. Sly like a patient farmer? I like a good incongruous image but this one seems to deflate the momentum of what you are describing...even though it reflects back to the land (swamp, meadow, wood..). I really wish I could suggest something but, I'm stumped. I find the next stanza more satisfying. Perhaps you could end with more imagery of "the land".

Simple, but it has its own sorta charm to it. -10-

Um... Correct me if I'm wrong here but this isn't a Haiku right? I mean 5-7-5? This is 5, maybe 6, and 4. No vote from me on this one.

This would make a great pimple thats why your not bagging the 10s. An impudent entree in to that category would be advised . Heres a 5 and i'll 10 it if its a pimple.

Let me tell you bro that I welled up when I read this. I think your a natural leader and your voice needs to be heard so send this to 10 Downing Street and Washington, Brussels - FUCK IT ! ! ! go to the Moslem communties, their Mosques and read this. I think the Whitney Houston finale really enhances your moral viewpoint on the really nasty and horridable world we live in today. Finally heres a 10 and your right it should not matter if we're Black, White, Gay (or in your case just camp) Jewish, or 'Dirty British' JUDGEMENT DAY IS HERE AND GAY AS FUCK HAS DECLARED IT. NOW LETS ALL TRY AND CHANGE. ******I JUST WANT TO SAY I LOVE YOU ALL ON POEM(E)RANKER****** Lets change the way we live I have started by throwing my C.F.C. aerosol under arm deodorant out in to the river.

thank you for commenting on my poem. i really tried this time around lol. i think it took me nearly an hour to finally get it the way i wanted it. funny thing is it can be taken so many ways. l8r = )-

How's about I fail like twilight or I fail with the twilight. whenever I read you're poems I'm torn, because the stories are good, but you use so many unnecessary words. Small little unnecessary words. It steals the beauty away from you're poems.

Great. Light use of words, but still a few things which torture it. Get rid of the last two lines, it's redundant. You left the reader with a strong enough image, let him figure it out for himself, he's guaranteed to.

You just described most rankers!

rids? or rides. thats the only thing that trips me.

Alright! Those last three lines are still perfect ,then. Somehow "to suggestion" doesn't quite seem to lead me there, though. I'm convinced that this is where the communication breakdown is.

Nice build...I like the inconclusiveness at the end as well.