Did you mean to play on the word "perish" by misspelling it as parish? If so, I approve. But you should fix the spelling of ignorance to make parish look more purposeful.

What a bummer, it was so good till you tossed the end.

texan urban schizophrenic gun lust.. yeah... well written, but i think it needs, i dunno, some type of comical spicing.. it was long, and when i got to the middle i started feeling sensations of boredome.. no offense, i cant write this well (atleast not yet anyway) but im just voicing my opinion.

Speaking of poof where have you been?

rythm, rhyme... both great.. 10

And you think that a tribute to a beloved???!!! Buffoon!!! 0

Well written and funny. I wasn't sure about this "In this lifeboat with you?" second line's question mark. Was that because you weren't always "with" the person? Maybe it should say "In this lifeboat with (?) you" because it is definitely not a question.

I like the sort of word association feel, and the way you've demonstrated how circular thinking can be, but this is loaded with overused expressions/images.

I guess I don't know that feeling, could you make it a little more descriptive in a way that a woman might be able to relate? Is "it" your cum or your penis? Is "you" yourself or the one referred to later as "she"? If you are holding in your cum, how are you "done"? Throw me a rope!

Is "Jeremi B. Handrinos" your father or son? Are you purposely being confusing about whether the father or son survived? At the beginning, the father said to the son "I'm sorry you'll go", but at the end, father says "My deadweight a ton" "left you with none in a boat you can't row". Your quotation marks were a little inconsistent, even though I could tell you were setting off the mantra "There can only be one" I think some other things the father said should've been in quoatation marks.

I grimace in pain at the taste of tequila too. I think this gets good at "i don't wish to see again", but the preceding lines need some rethinking, though they have their good parts. Also, need apostrophes "skull's gray flesh" and "cannibals' barbecue"

First of all I must say that my mother's side of the family were vaudevillian's. I'm not sure how I feel about "poof" at the end of the poem, it seems to me that you could say it another way especially since I really enjoyed the flow of the rest of the lines. Side thought (and you will have to forgive this one because I'm not wearing my glasses) when I first read the line "no not shy like a fox" I read "do not shy like a fox" and for some reason I thought that was an interesting direction. take it for what it's worth. good poem

"of ice colliding with glass in that grapy ocean" I would consider rewording this with an emphasis on losing grapy and ocean. "Your face would be in a book as you slowly ate. Michael Crichton, Dick Francis, Clive Cussler, and Tom Clancy- Just a few of your favorite authors in your large library." Hee he, you are a riot! yes, the library... Sounds stocked from rafters to sagging bottom shelf with such power hitters as Sidney Sheldon and Dean Koontz with a dash of Ken Folliet. You are too cute. Great title.

Due to my condition. I must request you stop with this nonsense about cherubian intervention immediately.

What couldn't you see, the angel or the angel's face? "It" doesn't really work there, even if you are trying to keep the angel's gender a secret. I thought that was a pretty cool way to say that you did her, the "dark" violating her, and you protecting her.

Could use some commas, some phrases ran together and became difficult to read. Misspelled "sickness".

"not even worth pondering" "I am a retired poet of age 24. I just would like to share some of my forgotten works" maybe some people should stay retired and their work should be forgotten!

"But like a farmer waiting patient for the crop." I read this a few times looking at it grammatically, and though I like it, I think it should say "...like a patient farmer waiting for the crop" or "like a farmer waiting patiently for the crop" or "farmer waiting, patient, for the crop". Misspelled afraid there at the end. Very nice improvements. I like "the dream made real"- nice description of that phenomenon of the sex dream (with some random acquaintance) that you feel compelled to bring into reality.

You changed the title from one word that was not in the dictionary to another word that is not in the dictionary, what is this, e-talk? Exerts? What recipe is this?

I hope this is a joke.