mulberry fair your name suggests an intimate knowledge of smack and rimming. I suggest you stick to those.

i like the out-flow on this.

Shouldn't walrus, if he is indeed as gay as you say, be wearing an upside down triangle on his sleeve or something reminiscent of the Holocaust?

At first, I thought the title said "Afternoon time for some snack"- I think it should be that "Afternoon, Time for a Snack". What do you have against drug users, anyway?

You got me with the reference to Ginsberg alone. I'd better send my contribution now so the lord will guarantee me a place in heaven. Excellent satire. 10

Oh, no. At least you made it out alive. "Irritable cat" threw me off. Your imagery is incredible; I invisioned every scene perfectly until I saw an irritable feline face pop in out of nowhere. Just didn't like the fact that the cat acts as a catalyst for the "dismount," which is a good awkward word for the ending. 7

I love the breakdown at the end, the memory of how you met and the blow job. Those damned oversized cereal boxes, they make it so obvious that you're poor when you try to hide it.

You are so sweet. You forgot to work in Splashtown Funtown, where I will this weekend with my favorite lady, (who inspired "Blonde, Voluptuous Birdwoman") and my daughter.

I like your revisions, you took out a lot of unnecessary words. However, I think you still need a "but" at the beginning of the last stanza "But at Whitey's", just to make it easier for the reader to see the shift.

These are well put together pictures, and must take a lot of time for such a short insult. What makes it worth it for you? This reminds me of when we first had computers in school and you'd have the directions that said "type 13 O's, four capital X's, then 13 O's again. Push return." Then, after all of that counting and spacing, you'd get this picture of some disgusting looking elephant with uncertain boundaries.

WOW THIS IS BRILLIANT. (See, walrus8, what good poetry looks like. Take a good long look. And then go and flush your head down a toilet.)

I had just figured out what you were doing in the first and second stanzas with the first word when you switched back to the more linear form. I think if you are going to go with that interesting style you should go all the way. But, I wouldn't necessarily advise you going with the style of the 1st and 2nd stanzas- too annoying to read. The message is good.

Interesting poem... but after reading the comments... if its not a war poem or an anti-war poem... umm what is it? *confused as normal*

but the poem is quite humorous. have a 10. because we are amused, sir.

no, only when you act like an asshole. you still have plenty of untainted ids.

Powerful imagery there especially: "i have come to myself and found that i am priestess of my holy places..." I love it. Incredible use of metaphor--"chaparrel fragrant and fecund". I'm pulled in so far I've given up my power too. 10

I don't get "address themselves in the plural form" - I think the craziest folks address themselves in the 3rd person. We had a governor candidate in Maine who addressed himself in the 3rd person, like he was speaking in the press releases that he'd obviously written for himself. He say, as calm as can be, "John Michael believes that marriage is sacred and should be for a man and a woman..." But yeah, the rest is great.

LOLTTM, as walrus8 would say.

A really excellent poeme.

Lots of people cheered.