SupremeDreamer
on some deleted poem
31 Jul 2003, 4:02 AM
a bit cliche in my opinion. 6
some deleted user
on some deleted poem
31 Jul 2003, 3:53 AM
Cute stuff! 8.
this affinity for spiders is irksome... I like it.. 9
Your Best Yet
The parliament of rooks had decided... roadkill...
hrmm.. amusing read. 7.
the repetition.. is a bit redundant. 6
all the rhyming takes away from your poem
well done. 8.
need a tic tac for the alcohol breath? hehe. good work man. 9
ahh.. well first off.. dont make my eyes run over the page, they already suck to begin with.. plus, you could be more creative talking about death. 4
if you are going to establish a meter and a rhyme, you need to stick with it or it ruins the poem. keep with the beat if you want this poem to succeed.
some deleted user
on some deleted poem
31 Jul 2003, 3:10 AM
Very clever...8. You haven't commented on any of my new stuff :( ~cls~
some deleted user
on some deleted poem
31 Jul 2003, 3:17 AM
A bit slow in comparison to most of your work. 6.
some deleted user
on some deleted poem
31 Jul 2003, 3:21 AM
I don't think that this needs much work...perhaps smoother transitions? You could title it "My Quandry" or "Begining to End". As it currently stands...8.
hrmm.. is this a poem about brittany? heh. not too bad. 8
hrmm. some of it is confusing, for instance:
Emotions of coal and eyes of lust,
Never has this, for you, been just. - not exactly sure what your trying to say.
ill hold my vote till later.
lol. nice. btw, deadication, did you intentionally spell it that way? seems like it, just wanted to make sure first before i say something stupid. 9
the refrain is a good device. but you have to ask yourself, is he good enough?
some deleted user
on some deleted poem
31 Jul 2003, 3:52 AM
Maybe I don't like this style so much...6.