Jeremi B. Handrinos
on but i was by nolan
18 Jul 2003, 4:21 PM
but you weren't?
better than the nose of a Parson
Like this poem, not much to grab onto in the way of context but nice images and no obvious holes in it
Gramaricaly abandoned.
like the structure in the first three lines leading to the mind rhyme.
A lot of this is too self absorbed though, I am not drawn into it
Nice build up, and I did understand it perfectly. The unmasking reminds me of grease 2 but what was the context of the unmasking?
GQT.
Damn good writing. 10.
A real life changer.
not bad, not bad at all. blessed with 7.
a vivid and eclectic write let down by 'crimson' as a metaphor its a bit k-mart. 7
If you are rewriting I suggest you get it clear what this is about some of the verses seem not to hang together.
'Splatter, the sound resounding
Painfully, into the ear'
I would keep a good rhyme
Tearing away at my heart
Skin by skin, I am the onion
is good too kind of wreckless and emotionally raw.
Needs more of a place I think. What are these greens turning brown etc
some good parts, notworthy
How about a ten to move you up the ladder on the 'best' chart? God knows you deserve some respect after this fucking abortion of poetry. 10!
Its a cute lil piece, the only thing i really liked was the oyster/pearl bit.. reminds me of a poem i wrote when i was 15. blessed with 8. welcome to the ranker!
I like it.. but i think it could have been better written/presented. 7.
The rubber glove snaps
As I bend to touch my toes
Liquid burritos
-- i love this stanza.. ;P 9.
alas.. if this was written better, i would love it.. but im forced to bless it with 7, not higher.. ;(
hrmm.. i dont see what this poem is trying to say or express.. 6.
I really like this poem :)