SupremeDreamer
on shadows of love by crwncka1
28 Jun 2003, 5:38 AM
Well written indeed. Blessed with 8.
Or a lighter in the crowd.
Wish I was too, lucky bastard.
Try a shower and a brisk walk.
lmao. oki doki. blessed with 8.
Too unoriginal
Beautiful, has one l. Also, be careful that your poetry doesn't chase it's own tale.
Saron's cup.
inraged.
life's book.
"Their off the hook" They are.
"Yes, yes!" giggle, you're funny, but what does this have to do wuth reality? Exactly, nothing.
"Speaking words that I thought
Was meant to strike fear" were not was.
Control one l.
Yeah, Joy luck is Settle, the boy genius. He's way beyond Mensa. He's a Risdi brat, Ivy league tit, and skilled in twilightzone poetry. He's The only other sic lunatic on the site besides me and da, and equally as good. There's also Christof, Poet and knowit, and a few others that are poets beyond the norm, so don't go spouting in a fountain lest you be wet and caught off guard. This poetry of yours is in desperate need of style, you need to develop your own poetic gimmick, something different about your poetry. The wording the shape the texture, but stop writing about that silly demon, heaven and hell crap, and pain and blood and all that trite shit. It's pointless because no one will bother with it, because, if they wanted fantasy they would read a real fantasy author that does it right, not a kid swinging at the fences.
Subject: cliche, I've seen thousands like it. 7
What's a polar shift than, The love of one pole for another. THE GAYE! hate must be what makes my microwave beep than, huh.
Hey, the stoner manifesto, the bathroom poet. lol.
okay, and then?
oohh you billy bunter
(silly cun*ter) now thats cockney me ole cocksparra
-------------------------7
Liked a few lines big time,
but I can't take this in right now i'm so tired my eyes look like piss holes in the snow. 7
You write so prolifically when do you get chance to eat? have sex? If I lived in CA i would be knocking golf balls of the tops of skyscrapers whilst listening to Verdi, or chilling out eating diaper dogs pretending i'm david hasslehoff.
ahh you guys have a great life or have i done too much soap?
Loved the anger in this, your so fucking in ya face kinda expressive maniac. 9
Hmmm. ;) blessed with 10.
blessed with 10.
first verse you mention 'you dried them' I know you mean tears but having to think about it ruins the rhythm.
the rest of the first verse is quite sweet
I wouldn't bother with the jelly and belly rhyme in the third