-=Dark_Angel=-, P.I.
on No Tomorrow by mikehi
17 Jun 2003, 6:21 PM
These are troubling issues, indeed. But I'm sure your poeme will solve them. Good Christ I hope so...
I predict you picked your user name in a moment of post traumatic stress and a vengeful ferver, and you will regret it sooner then later. I mean for the love of Christ? Are you just fucking high?
"i cant say your safe." Yep. You can safely say that again.
Because the magical Elves of Yor are still building tomorrow.
NO! NOT I! I FOCUSED MY ANGER, for the betterment of teefuses and gummies abroead. I've upheld the sacred undisclosed doctrines of raping shine, and much more. watch *poof*
My floss by Twiggy the second (Lyric) by horus8
Sometimes I just canât ever try to live without
All the suffering, all the gingivitis
Sometimes my body goes, but the mind wonât allow
Trying to avoid all the plaque in the world
(Bridge & Crown work pre-root-canal)
My fears, my faults, my tears, my floss
My tries, my trust, my lies, my loss
My loss of floss
(horus on sitar)
No wants, no teeth
Just a mind to set and a rage to feed
No wants, no gums
Just a soul to find and a squishy plum
Sometimes I try to change the wanted dentistry
Under my own gas mask
Sometimes itâs better to find a way to take a tank
and hide within a flask
(horus on steel drums)
So swallow, marshmallow, oil of carro
Losing the trust in my floss
So receded, depleted, mistreated
I am your sore bloody gums
(Chorus/Ending/brush your fucking teeth)
I'm a hero.
Ok, well the first 4 lines show some promise, but then your lack of gravity makes people sink? What fucking universe are you from? Yuo lose it after that. It's all blah blah blee blee blue. Love is a blemish that blows you of course? And what's up with this WE business? It's you brother, you're going stagnantly on about. Lines 15 & 16 are the epitome of stupidity.
Indeed fine sir. Indeed. -9-
shit that was fun making thoes..you gotta do more
have you ever seen hollow man?
worst movie ever.
Kinda like your poem is the worst ever.
i wasjust kdding
it is a very nice poem
we all feel alone at times
especially me :(
but i think my poetry helps me
get thru the hard times
so keep on truckin
keep the first line. burn the rest.
What a piece of crap. Rape my shine is the only only original meaningful thing I've seen so far in your sad parade. Add to the gun at your temples. Concentrate on ONE poem.
Rebecca
pressed a steel barrel to my temple
cocked the gun with her fist.
Raped my shine.
Even the mighty sun, someday will
Be murdered
By the dark.
There's your poem kiddo. The rest is trash. Think, boy. I would have given this a three, maybe, but you dropped to new levels at the pitiful end.
Hurrah hurrah!!! No forced feeling, no pointless meandering, just the funny ugly poignant facts. God bless you.
This is pointless. Where's the story? You don't know shit about poetry do you?
Funny, yesterday I was in Dutton's in Brentwood, and I too was so overwhelmed. Four giant rooms reeking of paper and binding. You know the kind, stacks on the floor, wooden ladders for reaching up up up into the nethersphere. Classical music. Anyway, I swooned when I walked in. I had to sit on a pile of encyclopedias with my head between my legs. My friend Scott fanned me with the newest copy of The New Yorker. Poets! We give so much power to the words. Jesus it's like an axe coming down. The last line is genius, all those esoteric implications. Bravo.
They? You? Whozits? Whatzits? what is up with the non-specific finger pointing on this fine afternoon? Can someone please give me some idea what they are going on about? Everybodies angry but no ones willing to make poetry out of it. Where's your form, Where's your direction? What is your motivation here?
What do the following poemes all have in common?
http://www.poemranker.com/poem-details.j
lol!!!!!!!!!