Put a beat to this and it'll fly high.

ace line breaks.

Stop preaching.

swell, just what I need. more people waiting for me. yup. itsa doozie alright.

Ah yes, my cigerette, crushed by the bitch in red and high heels.

ha! somebody 1 you, fucking bastards, pimple juiced your dockers!

Yep, I'm sure being cussed at by a retard will make her see the err in her ways.

I did however give you three points for the line "rape my shine" which I believe to be a most excellent of ideas.

"But the other half is smarter than that Oh wait! Did I say that?" it's great up until here, than it pooters out. replace that with "You're lucky I'm on vacation" or something to that effect. It shows possibility and humor, both of which you need in a piece like this.

that shit is tooo funny. no, no. That shit is TOOOO funny!!! LOL 40-love. I'm dribbling from laughing so hard.

You should be more concerned about today.

very prosy and far too generic. Be specific and for god's sake give yourself some kind of form to work with. This is screaming for constraints and direction. did you read this after you posted? After the tenth line the grammar is awful. I feel... that's the same as a painter writing the word green across a canvas. The poet's job is to make the reader feel. Not to say I feel, I feel. Describe the violence. "People" which people. Either tell me or forget about it. This pussy-footing around is useless.

Yes, I agree. The line breaks are randomly skeptical. Good call!

"Written from the quills of laughing Angels, Who fuck our lives up because their bored." Lose this line, it's ridiculous, if you believe thjat you're insane. combine the word intransit, "It's" you have as its "a politician" change to in politicians, "insecurity" pluralize and "infinity" change to everything. Then, my friend, you'll have it.

"It takes a sensitive one, To see the peace in a flattened nose" wow, and on that note I'm done here for now, it's time to scrub various dirty things me thinks, around the igloo.

I hated the first stanza, it was shit to be honest but the rest works well for the most part. There are some nice lines here, and some shitty ones too. I loved "Identity was divorced from liberty", quite smashing indeed. As for Angels I can see you haven't met our own -=Dark_Angel=- and all I can say is may -=Jesu=- Be as kind to you as I am. -9-

Learn to be "Friends with Benifits" -6-

Again horrible 1st stanza, I'd ditch it all together. Other than that not bad, borderline cliche, at parts the ryhming works, in others I wish you'd just come out say what your saying how you'd say it naturally(i.e. you stopped ryhming third stanza, and it should have stuck that way). -7-

Kitch, Take my advice, lose the ryhme. Sometimes it works for you but most often it hampers, instead of helping your poems. It just tend to hold them back. Nice image "drown in sunshine on the lake" by the way. -7-

"love must loss' you're crazy, you crack me up. With your silly titles.