capachijim
on One Night Stand by Audaciouslilgrl
13 Jun 2003, 2:25 PM
Wow...I really, really enjoyed that. Seriously. 10
I would totally lose the last line, and end at found.
Better.
LOL, seriously. I'm nominating this for a GOLDEN Q-TIP. -10-
I hate when that happens/ a lot.
Shut up.
Perfect.
Probably the worst peice of crap I've ever read. -0- DING!
uhm...a sonnet has 14 lines buddy...
Replace your second absently with a curiously or a faithfully or something different (indifferently?) you know? Whatta ya think?
Interesting Idea about the spiritual influence but it still sounds like a stretch to me. I Love this poem by the way. -10-
I met a girl with tangerine wedges I wish would pick up the phone, and say this to me, but I know she won't, because I'm the devil.
You forgot teaching your dog to fetch with dynomite and then then lighting the fuse. -6-
Unfortunately I'm scared to DEATH to be me, and that, thank god, is how I put that much more Kale into my "apocalyptic" power poetry (Jared Leto taught that to me one night while we were 30 seconds to Uranus)
Now a prayer;
Oh lord, let this curse of brilliance subside so I can walk around in bad lala poetry land with these wretched little fucking computer brats and their ridiculous real life observations that they've obviously garnered from the computer also, and or a close friend, that found early age tragedy. Lord let them read more and quit making my eye balls spontaneously deflate, and my asshole randomly whistle strange alien anthems in the cold dark fistings of the night, Amen.
Ps. Send my the new pringles before anyone else sweet jesu i fucking love pringles.
Yes, I think it sounds better but I still don't like the 'A wishful ache' because It seems to me that your saying the momentary release is a wishful ache, when I think it'd go better as 'With a wishful ache'. Still a -9- cause its very good.
Yes, but as a reader, tell me, why should I give a shit? Once you've figured that out you'll also discover what's wrong with this haiku.
Wow, that's pretty bad. The poem makes an attempt at something important, but falls far short. In your comments, and your poem you lack syntax and proper grammar. Find a new hobby.
twinkle twinkle little star
You really over did it at the end with all the OO ryhmes. I think you should take Rob's Advice and Read some more poetry, cause we see alot of cliche poems here. Its not too bad a poem but maybe next time forget the ryhme and just say what your trying to say.