capachijim
on once again by John by <{Baba^Yaga}>
14 Jun 2003, 4:23 PM
are you john? or is there another john we don't know about
"the sun shines through my tears
and burns away all my fears"
Brilliant, truly brilliant
whore
Well you've confused me. EXCELLENT.
I believe you've ripped off my masterpiece "once again" and randomly replaced my fabulous wordery for this drivel. you should be ass shot with a baby-pelican. And I plan on recording my version first starring tattoo from fantasy island, and me on madolin (i'm going to give it this paradiseque feel in nativity). HA! Ha!
Not bad, i disagree with you jim, it is anything but perfect, but good nonetheless
Not bad. Had a tough time following the rhyme scheme and the beat threw me off. But overall not bad ***6
Try to edit this making each sentence seperate yet connected, lover.
Did you write this poeme by writing down a list of all the words you think would appeal to a 14-year-old girl, randomise their order, and then just insert other words between them to create sentences?
I guess you've rubbed someone up the wrong way the sheer number of zeros you get is quite impressive
I do think these poems need a lot more personal thought and insight though they seem a bit assinine
and the statements seem unqualified
I got loads of bad marks when i first came on here. I guess you have to read the work of your audience and learn some lessons from it
Then if you get good you can do your own thing again a nd be pretentious like a proper artist!
No, this is too obvious the rhyme/ the sentiment
Try get to the root of the feeling and its relation to other things
I do feel this a bit
but it is rather ordinary
good try though
masterbation?
I like the way its layed out. Pretty well written, but its gonna need more to carry much wieght, maybe some explanation; its tough to follow. ***6
The first two lines are plagiarised from 1984 fag.
I guess not. But maybe you can make up for it by writing about your uninteresting emotions in an uninteresting way!!
Interesting to us something modern and consumer as a truck to illustrate 'the beauty of the all'
I think the snappy sentences work well and fit together there is nothing too obvious to make me cringe here
a pleasant read
I dont understand your motivation for writing this.
What is this supposed to be? Its a random, half introspection inspired and begun with a third grade rhyme. True, I don't like you and think you are an idiot, but this poem deserves low marks anyways.
I especially like the final stanza, nice job -9-