rockinindividual
on some deleted poem
3 May 2003, 7:50 AM
meh. theres no rhythm here. and yummy like chocolate? yummy is too childish for the poem. 3
You be motivated, I give you that
Plus I give you this too
-8-
From the blind deaf and mute
hahaha, yeah typical high school lust. -1
interesting. almost too random. i can't quite get a hold of it. you have some wicked lines in there though. 6
thats pretty good. i like it. like ranger said though, the ending could use a little work. 7
lol hilarious man, was this real or did u make it up?
-10-
Sweet and well put together
this is supposed to be ironic right?
The first verse up to the last 2 lines are good, as are the last two verses but the second verse doesnt work really -the first line is good i dont think you need 'groan' in the second line. 'Song' and 'along' ryhme a bit too obviously too. But it is a very good idea and i like the structure and some of the lines are great! especialy the last 2 lines on verses 3 and 4. :o)
I felt like this didn't hold my attention too well. Its not bad but it is lacking in some aspect that I feel could be there but isn't(I have no clue what it is either and thats driving me nuts). Its held back when it needs to read more smooth and sexy like a coffee house music. -5-
Pretty good - amusing at first -- a very strong beginning but i think it ended a little rocky - if u revise it a little with a different ending it might be a 10 -- "8"
Not bad - Not great. The title goes well with the lyrics. Sometimes certain words that were meant to rhyme didn't. It's hard to explain -- it's like you tried a little to hard to rhyme in didn't come through. Good overall -7-
hahaha so ture, butr the pimple poets have so much emotion. -8
classic. love the coffee reference
wow, could not have been put any better. -10
Yes I must say thats kinda fucked up. If it wasn't so funny I'd said that a convo couldn't be poetic but I don't care. -10-
This was LMAOF!!
sick mind dude... -3