A little to repetitive, -3-

The last line doen't scan. Instead, it irritates like the whiny voice of a zitty teenager. Which, if you think about it, makes sense.

Nice. Very nice. Have a 9.

This is about as different as iowa is from Nebraska.

Too much repetition not enough poem, the parts that aren’t being repeated about a hundred times are pretty good though.-4-

Yes I want to hear it in real vivid audio you mankisser. YOU DIRTY MANKISSER!! btw I don't care if you do bite ears I still love you like my own child. Not as much as I love Boz Scaggs though. Sigh. What a voice. What a sound it makes.

This one's actually pretty good, just remove all the "her bits" at the end (put them somewhere else). The last stanza is a touch uninteresting.

Ya know, some people might actually try that link, I pray for their souls, I mean come on, DA and P&K. I know their...a package and all, but goodness, Why they have to show it to the world is beyond me. That kinda stuff will turn a gay man straight, or a straight man blind.

Very well done. -9-

Make it a lyric, and maybe another line or two. It doesn't seem quite finished.

Stanza 3 is strong I do like it, however it just doesn't do enough to excite my literary erogenous zones. Try condensing these images, writing is a portrait of hard bristles and soft fingers, I see your angst and think you could do another draft, its not bad my darling

I have personally dusted down my bifocals to offer you a few curmudgeons on politicians, and Nicholas one hopes you enjoy them as much as I. 1) if President Bush has a straight penis, its the only part of his adminstration that is 2)They are nothing else but a load of kippers - 2 faced with no guts 3)Mothers want all their sons to become president but they dont want them to be politicians in the process. For now my dear boy, farewell.

pig, what do you want from me? editor's comments, or a woman's comments? or both? rsvp, z

'Corn gold from its bed' adorable line. Your writing hints that you are a true pagan and you possess a munificent beauty of the descriptive. Writing of simple beauty is hard for we all fail to define it. You must show these to your children one day.

Art Garfunkel has a rival my dear.

Add some spacing every four lines. Also, the last 4 lines don't ryme so well. Maybe you could change them?

Why did you delete my other comment? Anyway only you could have but in my hotel room i found this and thought hmmm I wonder why you posted such a personal poem. I like it a lot because I know you can belt out some real gold and this you have chosen to be frank and honest. Take care amigo.

Lame-ass goth schmuck. I should have guessed. Your eyeliner is crooked.

i'm crying.

Shitty. Sounds like you just discovered booze. You're all "hee hee, look, I'm drinking BEER!" So lame.