Re: Sensually Literary Villanelle by bwaha	some deleted user 64.140.227.60	10-Dec-06/3:11 PM
Creative and entertaining. Excellent work.
Re: Starving at Tiffany's by horus8	bwaha 152.163.100.6	10-Dec-06/3:32 PM
the randomness with which you decided to make your "I"'s upper or lower case is disconcerting at best, and more irritating than anything else.
regarding some deleted poem...	Dovina 208.127.72.90	10-Dec-06/4:45 PM
The last 5 lines are good, and I mean that they say something important. However, they are not very poetic. You could write an essay, or you could work on structure and compelling language.
Re: untitled by MacFrantic	Dovina 208.127.72.90	10-Dec-06/4:58 PM
Wow, you write a lot of poems! Are you trying to surpass me in poems posted? Lots of luck there, fella. My fear, however, is that you could be younger, and could win fifty years from now. All right, here’s the bitter ode from a woman’s tongue: You comment too little! Your comments are fewer than comments received, and this is not only bad etiquette, it’s contrary to the ode “It is more blessed to give than to receive.” So, get into the process – dialog, debate, comment. You’ll become a better poet. As for this poem, it’s pretty good. One of you better posts.
Re: From pains inside by Prince of Void	Dovina 208.127.72.90	10-Dec-06/5:06 PM
Well, I will say that you do not comment enough. If you want to keep posting these true-to-your-name "void" poems, then go ahead. But when you post without commenting on the other poems, I have to think you are selfish, that you want only to receive, with no inclination to reciprocate. That is truly void.
Re: Cloche. by howl	Dovina 208.127.72.90	10-Dec-06/5:11 PM
No period after "closed." Comma after "fire." Heck with it, all punctuation can go. "Like is done in the dumps" -> "as in the dumps" or somesuch.
Re: The blankness of his life by Nicholas Jones	Dovina 208.127.72.90	10-Dec-06/5:13 PM
I find it more funny than dark.
Re: SNOGGO's Adolescent Adventure in Sidmouth by Edna Sweetlove	SupremeDreamer 75.35.231.137	13-Dec-06/8:56 AM
Oh snoggo... such an emotional moron. C'mon now, getting paid to shag monroe ain't bad.
Re: OI! The Brown Flame by SupremeDreamer	Prince of Void 213.207.253.85	13-Dec-06/9:30 AM
it's really a good example for new structure poetry
Re: despaired old age by mystic enoch	Dovina 208.127.72.158	13-Dec-06/9:35 PM
The usual sequence is spring then summer, so I began intrigued by the switch. But then you mention autumn in its traditional old-age meaning, and winter coming, which totally confuses me, because I thought you would say something besides the worn-out aging/seasons thing. "Longing for the next" could be made into a "spring" metaphor, but I find only "eyes cast downward." Clarity seems lost here.
Re: Lost In It by PoeticXTC	Dovina 208.127.72.158	13-Dec-06/9:38 PM
Way too non-directional and unclear. I think you need definite statements, not wishy-washy expressions.
Re: untitled by MacFrantic	leonxic 129.7.121.238	14-Dec-06/12:50 PM
I sense some contempt. Fantastic writing. 10.
regarding some deleted poem...	Dovina 75.82.106.103	14-Dec-06/12:52 PM
Ok, it's a good story and a bit funny, but it lacks poetry, which is not bad, just not poetic. Fewer words, clever words, unusual combinations of words, imbic words -- yep, then it's poetry
Re: In the middle by celticskatermatt1	leonxic 129.7.121.238	14-Dec-06/12:56 PM
No deaths is good. Try adding an extra syllable in l5 and two more l8 (maybe after "No deaths"); trust me it will flow better. Also the "the" in l8 is superfluous.
Re: The Picture by Caducus	Dovina 75.82.106.103	14-Dec-06/12:57 PM
I like this up to the last stanza. There, the angst about Jesus seems another subject, detracting from the unique way this picture was painted or drawn.
Re: Chord before the crescendo by Caducus	Dovina 75.82.106.103	14-Dec-06/1:28 PM
The first two verses are great. I lost you in “My boxed instrument burned,” (think you could omit it) but the rest of Verse 3 is good, and the last line is great.
regarding some deleted poem...	Dovina 75.82.106.103	14-Dec-06/1:37 PM
Would be nicer to hold the beginning rhythm, instead of drifting off into prose. Lines 9-12 might read: Pulled along by hopes & dreams Deceived by things that only seem When all I wanted from all this Is your eyes, soft lips and kiss
Re: Advent by Nicholas Jones	Prince of Void 213.207.253.23	16-Dec-06/9:17 AM
I was sleeping and being comforted By a cool breeze, when suddenly a grey dove From a thicket sang and sobbed with longing And reminded me of my own passion I had been away from my own soul so long So late-sleeping .but that’s dove’s crying Woke me and made me cry, praise To all early-walking believer
Re: Homeless by Dovina	Prince of Void 213.207.253.23	16-Dec-06/9:36 AM
That was great ...soon i will share one of my experiences... I had faced a homeless better to say he was placeless in this world. They live where this world lost so long... So late-meeting but I'm feeling in this way... Their actions ask how do whys become void? The void makes them homeless in the hopeless shape... the shapes of their hearts make all differences
Re: Romantic dreams by John Rambo	Nicholas Jones 86.135.251.20	17-Dec-06/7:42 AM
Yep, misogyny is hilarious, isn't it?