maffy
on some deleted poem
10 Mar 2003, 7:18 AM
WOW I WUZ GONNA POST A POEM, BUT NOT NOW 9
COOL
I say, very nice
READ THIS MANY TIMES AND ITS AS SHARP AS A WOMANS TONGUE
I did not know virtual love could be so satisfying. Some nice lines. 8/10
Yep. Or else the mouse freezes up. Creative. -10-
I like the longer version of this poem much better.
Well you I guess you kinda had to survive to write this but like D.A. is trying to point out you don't need the words (semi-automatic) behind 9mm. Other than that I just don't really like this poem cause its probably something I'd write in study hall or during a boring lecture. -6-
sorry, I couldn't even finish. kotz.
Nice ryhme scheme but the rest of its trite and dull.
No offence but -6- is all your gonna get out of me on this one. And 2 of those points are for the title.
YEAH COOL.
I REMEMBER SEEING THE ROMANS IN THE CHILDRENS BIBLE LAUGHING AND I LOVED THE WAY YOU THREW IN THE BREAD AND WINE GREAT METAPHORS FOR SUFFERING AND JUDAS THE FAT BASTARD EATING SUPPER - REALLY GOOD WELL DONE 9
Great use of "9mm sword (semi-automatic)" as a metaphor for a 9mm semi-automatic handgun. As we all know, the purpose of using imagery in poetry is to take the poeme to beatiful places it wouldn't otherwise have any reason to go. You've really done that well by symbolising one semi-automatic weapon with another, completely different, semi-automatic weapon.
"i pull the trigger of my sword" - utter genius. 10/10.
I JUST MADE YOU TOP BABE, CONGRATULATIONS !
Ok. What Z said about the hat and line walkers were 2 of my dislikes. Your glitterati swerve to avoid, but they're overhead?
And S-1 old men/this old man/thisle man. You know me, less is more where I come from. lose one i think.
Other than that eees guut,yah.
Yes a lascivious poem and yes a fresh breeze in to any red blooded males trouser area. 9
My eyes are like a vacum? Dirt Devil or Hoover?
See this is more your speed a little counter culture jazz baby, yeah diggit.
http://gangbox.com/mp3/thesalesman.mp3
It was great up until the last line.
You weren't suppose to delete the poem (fetus) Brandon. You were suppose to debate the opinion of felled fetus' everywhere and why they matter too. That is what a poet would have done, and also; he or she would not of erased it. Because then i would of told you a secret, and you would of went ohhhhhhhhhh, and we would have been friends. Forever. P.s. the activity above seems strange for a male model. It sound more like something a teacher would write. You lied to me professor, shame on you! I'm sure she was hot when she was younger though and still is. What makes you think i don't like old people?
you're right. 0.