"Voiced out of the beard of Tobacco'd old man" could this be pluralized? i believe it would help.

That's good though. Still not tapping hidden ideas however, but damn fine work.

it's okay, but hardly profound.

lol.

Pretty pointless and off the mark for a haiku. Sorry.

Some good wording, but it suffers a loss of imagery toward the end and the metaphor you implement becomes weak and tired. You might cut down on the heady language and quit telling so much. At least that is what I would do. but it is still decent in some regards.

This sounds like you are actually attempting to write a childish poem.

This is funny in away I don't think you mean it to be. Way overdramatic!

I like it better than the previous one. 'pleased me..' is my favorite line. Good ale is an excellent social lubricant, especially Russian Imperial Stout.

"Tanging taglay ay pag-asa" likewise i'm sure.

hey cad-- this line ain't right: "It hungers desire and hunts for the feast." "lovers" should be "I heard my lover's scream in her echoes," this line is awkward: "Two hands moving slowly in time unable to stop." they are obviously able to stop, since they have just been restored (repaired?) fix these things?

spin it.

Sucks, delete. Try writing some poems about the deafening silence that is living alone in the world or something. 9.

That's good shit. Haven't i read this somewhere? Glad i didn't put my foot in my mouth. You are a better poet, and i could learn from you. Thanks, you're right i am still a boy, but i'm growing fast. Great poem.

A good try! But if you won't come to Bangladesh then that's racist. Apart from that, completely ace! I especially enjoyed the following: (i) Great use of random line breaks and indentation to make the piece seem more profound! (ii) Great use of lower case letters for the entire piece to make it look minimalist and deliberately understated! (iii) Excellent reminiscing about how you both got sloppy drunk one night; those were the days - carefree, young and free-spirited, and carefree, and free, and free, and young. What memories. What happiness. What originalty. (iv) Frankingstein is the name of the MONSTER. NOT the doctor who created him. It's a common misconception, and one you ought to consider before handing in your application for frozen justification.

you can do better, though.

yeah. it sure does.

i gotta travel with you.

The images don't make alot of sense. It sounds more like you threw a bunch of words together that sound cool and called it finished.

hmm. :) [much better]