emeraldeyes
on untitled by betty
5 Mar 2003, 6:59 PM
i too enjoy this.
this is some good shit!
How fucking delightful! 4 for the poem, 5 for the charmingly witty and irreverent attitude, for a total of 9!!! (You earned it!!)
What have I become? I can't even say a mean thing about this poem because I think Settle probably wrote it. Settle probably writes half the overwrought bullshit on poemranker.
HAVING SAID THAT, HERE ARE SOME MISTAKES THAT YOU MADE.
1. Your heart is not a cage. It is a pump.
2. God is not protected. The idea of God being protected is a contradiction, since it implies that He could be in danger.
3. "To freely" is wrong.
4. Putting a comma after "My courage" is wrong.
5. Putting a comma after a motherfucking exclamation point is wrong.
6. Shut the fuck up.
7. It's "its", not "it's".
Thanks for your time! Your poem is awful.
Like a slinky twist tied together at both ends? Once when i was younger i landed in a crate full of bottles with no shoes on. While playing ping pong. It piled a huge amout of resentment in my sole (later in life) and made me realise how important my feets was. Along with loud bells to ring for toadies. And grilled cheese with high fever.
Fuck. 10.
You are such a chicken, and just so unvisual. Painful really. To watch i mean. Not that I saw BECAUSE IT WAS NOT VISUAL. I REPEAT, TOTALLY UNVISUAL. And inconsiderately confusingly bland to mine eye. Meaning, well. I could not see it. No where. Not a fucking trace.
Yes, a song? Except it's about a chorus, bridge, and two verses shy. This is a fine freeverse and properly titled so.
Not to my taste. You should try arranging the verses in a visually stimulating arrangements.
Very good =D I like how you used your words to create a nice flow and suspense =) I'll be checking out more of your work.
I just realized something....We can't communicate by E-mail...but do your parents know you have "THIS" account? We can leave note to each other this way.....
These shards of red
Laying scattered all around
Reflect the beauty
A shimmer in the dark
A glimmer of hope
Some prayer for the future
It's all that can be given
For one who's heart
Now broken in sorrow
Lies surounding my feet
A note of chance
The sound of possibilities
To look ahead
But never forget
This weeping man
The hardest of choices
Made these shards.....
not bad...oddly, i just really am into your title!
lol
i can hear this as a rap song that i'll probably be enjoy in the near future...
i could see this as a song
Perched. lol.
the third verse is the best.
hmmm...could you elaborate more?
enjoyable!