"then if an iraqi falls in the ocean and no being is around will the splash be heard?" now that's funny.

Simple and nice. One question. Green air?

Vivid and touching in that sick ass way. Asian/ wigger/ nigger it's quality coming from any mind or stereotyped soul.

It's always sad to see straight edged hip hop wigger's trying to describe their mothers pain. You my friend are a master. A true knower of what it is to know what it is. i'm impressed, we all are very very impressed and moved by your words here 10!

Question: why not capitalize Leader and Winner if you capitalized hero? *shrug* a thought. You might want to try some continuity between your stanzas and lines. Rhymes are a bit over used. I think you can be more creative than using the obvious ones. And you might want to change your title... that's twice in a row "A Hero" appears.

Ok... overall pretty good. Creative rhymes and some really good description. But... if you're gonna use meter, be consistent. If you read it, you expect some more meter. Then again, it could be part of your theme. *shrug* Some of the rhymes are good but too clustered. It's just too much to absorb. The continuity of rhyme and rhythm aren't there but work well where employed. And again, continuity with punctuation is kinda questionable.

Creative use of rhyme... but also maybe a problem? Rhyme can be troublesome when it comes to serious poetry. But I do like your rhymes... creative. You might want to look at the continuity of your explitives. They should be somewhat close in length, but your first one is longer than the others.

Five mor comments until the 2,000 club even though i've actually dropped 5,000. think of that? that's atleast 100 people that hate me passionately, yet i am undaunted... In fact [big yawn] i'm tired, and resting safer knowing my cock and god's cock share an image. An image of growth and perpetual recreation that only a mad man could find stimulating, i even made brownies for the occassion. REAP IT!!!!!!!! oh sorry z for orating i'm practicing for parent teacher conferences on Monday. I'm reading a piece i wrote on emotionally unavailable role models and hot asian chicks coupled by the relevance of pink dott

I like it -kl

I remember in third grade I wrote Save the whales Save them all Save the whales Big and small I thought I was a genius. I later found out I was wrong. "All(1)+ people(2)+ are(1)+ flawed(2)" = 6. Maybe... "All people are flaws" It's a little harsher but it fits.

Ah. Now that's just sweet. Thankyou. The best is yet to come. "Behold, I am coming as a thief. Blessed is he who watches, and keeps his garments, lest he walk naked and they see his shame" Revelations chap 16 V15. "Child, anger not your father being that his hand is bigger then your face". Anna nicole smith's dead x husband.

I really have nothing to say. I think it's about as solid as it gets. 9. And only cause I don't give 10's.

men suck ... ha

hey horus, why don't u just let the guy write his own poetry man? poetry is a form of expression, why are you making it seem like it has to be perfect? I think you guys should just shut up and keep postin poetry ... jeez.

This poem was much more interesting with the other comments. Impressive display at maintaning your credibility and the credibilty of self mutalating cry babies everywhere, may I add. Bravo.

You know personaly i think you did well here. Last stanza "within" i think would click better. Now, there is a bit of blah as far as the material involved goes (just my opinion i'm sure the bible belt would disagree) but that's the joy of poetry now isn't?

Delightful.

nice

i thought this poem was very honest....i liked it! :-)

damn.