horus8
on Forget I Asked by AtalantaPendragonne
27 Feb 2003, 2:17 PM
Turnip soup.
Beautiful.
weebles wobble but they don't fall down
Wow, you would know. 9/11/01?
what will we do if the next attack comes on a date not so symbolically pleasing like say 7/11/03 Will you call that "fucking big gulp and two lotto ticket day with a pack of menthols please, Hadid?" Do us a favor, move to Iraq and hold the bullseye.
I love most of this but I'm confused by the last line of the 4th stanza. Witness to their what? Or have I missed something. I think I'll come back to this soon. I would also be grateful if you could tell me what you think of my latest efforts.
when i read this it made me think back to biblical times in israel, in the time of leah and rachel and jacob and of how the women would save their blood, using it as libations. how when they bleed they'd stay seperate from men and those men would take a few wives, some concubines. well done.
Oi!! How many times has that happened to me. -10-
Macbeth and Korea... Whatever will you think up next. Golden Limonade -10- Just Golden.
Well, you have your user name going for you, atleast. Do you know who atalanta was? i hope so. Otherwise you would just suck, bleeding or not.
That was pleasent, for an 'other'. It must be terribly awkward to try so hard only to be ignored consistantly. nice vilanelle. The rhyme scheme was almost as complex as the story, or a haircut.
"waver" = waiver, must be tr and not settle tsk. what war? this piece is barely a seven, and i'm in a good mood. What a waste of time...see... settle would not make an error like that, that's where you blew your cover. Both of your edges are boring and dull period anyway just giving you a heads up sycophants.
"No more the gaudy light of flare" you are the first man to see the gaudy light. Hail! cheeser! I guess you are settle complete with the typos and spelling errs. huh! you aint so good bruddah, sorry. i did enjoy the constant references to things left in a fires origin and wake, but that's it. you must paint? Risdi doesn't have creative writing courses? either does North Carolina. Whatta ya know. Birds of a feather flock together. I have more then one stone, chuckles. i am very patient.
Glorious. Possibly put an extra 'remember' into the last five lines just for emphasis? Although I don't know whether that would perhaps upset the balance of the poem. 8
The big problem here is the subject matter. As soon as anyone on this site sees a poem about 9/11 they'll instantly laugh, mainly because most efforts to write about it have been shite.
Being pedantic, I personally hate seeing "must of" or "would of" or anywhere in which 'of' is substituted for 'have'. But that's just me.
I wrote a poem about 9/11 but it takes a slightly different stance. Maybe I'll submit it.
Wow. Image of a man with a metal pipe through his head...ouch.
Why does this poem seem so damn good?
Love the name, by the way.
Mad skillz, ms.limonade. Thanks for the cake.
Horns a velvet.