Re: Still by half.italian	howl 81.178.72.28	1-Nov-06/3:19 AM
Too disparate see daniella's txt to Russia. The 'I am' in the first line is used to draw together the images.
Re: Poem for Mahmuth by Dental Panic	Dovina 12.72.37.83	1-Nov-06/10:30 AM
If male, you show inordinate female understanding in the first stanza. "sadder wiser beers, drank locked behind playgrounds" says a lot. Stanza 2 blows it mostly, first with the nondescript salutation to Burundi, then the periods in UFO. And how is that related to the excellent start?
Re: Poem for Mahmuth by Dental Panic	howl 81.178.72.28	1-Nov-06/11:19 AM
sadder wiser beers is urgh. The final stanza's enjambment is off. Why not just: It was a fire balloon from Essen/launched to measure high altitude winds. No aliens here/just hazy earthlings, shooting/into the dark bushes.
Re: Suburban Spleen by Sasha	howl 81.178.72.28	1-Nov-06/2:20 PM
Every stanza should end with a full stop. I know you are experimenting with style but it doesn't work. I don't like the final stanza (first two lines of) either.
Re: Poem for Mahmuth by Dental Panic	half.italian 70.36.242.152	1-Nov-06/10:32 PM
Reminds me of Hunter Thompson for some reason. Throw in some mention of ether and you'll be the next gonzo journallist.
Re: The Hunter, the Hunted, and the Bystander by Dovina	Dental Panic 84.85.206.227	2-Nov-06/2:44 PM
the image of a tire like a tiger's mouth doesn't work over here. Also the word 'guilty' is overdone. You shouldn't mention guilt - guilt works better that way, I think.
Re: Still by half.italian	Dental Panic 84.85.206.227	2-Nov-06/2:58 PM
I don't care about your memories, I don't care about your taste, I don't care about your poem and I don't care about the explanation you gave - you're explaining your feelings. I don't care about your feelings. Being vague isn't poetic, it's boring, most of the time.
Re: Jesus Around Your Neck (Final Version) by Wakeboarder20	Dental Panic 84.85.206.227	2-Nov-06/3:04 PM
Final Version - that made me laugh. But then again, it's not a poem. It's a sermon. Put on a purple robe and tell them hypocrites!
Re: The Willy Poem by Engelbert Humpalot	Dental Panic 84.85.206.227	2-Nov-06/3:09 PM
Hump more.
Re: The Willy Poem by Engelbert Humpalot	wilco 24.92.74.122	2-Nov-06/6:07 PM
What kind of ignorant shit is this. Jesus Christ I should've stayed gone.
Re: Footsteps by MacFrantic	wilco 24.92.74.122	2-Nov-06/6:10 PM
Okay, I'll buy that as a decent poem.
Re: The Hunter, the Hunted, and the Bystander by Dovina	wilco 24.92.74.122	2-Nov-06/6:13 PM
how about "it's tire like that big-ass boulder from Raiders of the Lost Ark that almost ran over Indiana Jones at the beginning."
Re: 311006 txt to russia by daniella	wilco 24.92.74.122	2-Nov-06/6:27 PM
I like this except for the title.
Re: Jesus Around Your Neck (Final Version) by Wakeboarder20	wilco 24.92.74.122	2-Nov-06/6:31 PM
You know what the bad thing about something like this is that you're condemning the condemners ;) I agree with your thought here but when you're lambasting someone like this, you're really just mirroring the way they are.
Re: Blue, Black & White by oneglove	wilco 24.92.74.122	2-Nov-06/6:40 PM
The Blues Highway...drive it every day. Yeah, I'd call this a lyric..it reads like one and as a free verse I'd probably only give it a 5...but as a lyric it's an 8. Doesn't make sense? Sorry.
Re: The Pit’s Bottom by Dovina	wilco 24.92.74.122	2-Nov-06/6:45 PM
You know I don't like these poems that are oozing Jesus all over me...so you'll forgive me if I hold my vote.
Re: Rare Oul' Times in the County Wicklow by Edna Sweetlove	Engelbert Humpalot 85.210.249.88	3-Nov-06/5:04 AM
Right on, Edna. I get pissed off with all these namby-pambies rabbiting on about drinking and driving. Most accidents are caused by unlicensed yobs (often Afros) who can't drive and who have no insurance (mainly becaused the car has been stolen).
Re: Going Away to Fight a War by wilco	Engelbert Humpalot 85.210.249.88	3-Nov-06/5:08 AM
Boring tripe. Learn the difference between ITS and IT'S before writing anything again.
Re: The 80's by wilco	Engelbert Humpalot 85.210.249.88	3-Nov-06/5:09 AM
Not at all bad. Maybe move to a better neighbourhood (If you can afford it).
Re: Cool In The Army by wilco	Engelbert Humpalot 85.210.249.88	3-Nov-06/5:10 AM
Yes, anyone who joins the army is dumb and deserves to get put into a body bag.