this blows hot and cold its half good, I could not imagine a song out of this until it was reduxed and the outline was clearer and easier to connect with, kinda leaves no impression on you as it is -5-

thank you for the blast. Takes a while to get moving but then really picks up speed. Women are beautiful.

What is the purpose of the third line?

One always has the impression that when people type in block capitals and use profanity that they dribble whilst typing there anger.

Simplistic and beautiful.

[INFO] Channel view for ``#weed'' opened. -->| YOU have joined #weed settle IS THIS ABOUT WEED I agree

Nice sky personification, the poem epitomises the anti-climax and the false hopes of a new dawn. Depressing but touching.

Another version still like it but would say the original punched more. The tree line could be as pioneering as the confederate grey sky think about alternatives you know you can do it.

Thought it was about time i commented on this. its all been said by the others your a great poet, a fine poem, what i like is how you used the subject an amplified such beauty from it...10

A good subject which you could have written about better, it would be interesting to read it from the POV of the starer, black gloves, menacem so much more to touch on. This is a bit too obvious try delving deeper(5)

raping your face must stand as one of the most cutting lines I have read, for that I applaud you, however this is more of a rant than a poem, a good rant but bad poem heres my vote for your rant ..7

A lot to take in here looks promising on a glance will peruse later

Please explain how this is a poem and not simply a series of incorrectly-puncutated sentence fragments separated by line breaks. You surely must know that 'poetry' is not the same as 'unstructured vague musings on some emotions'.

I see potential, but this is all over the place, hard to follow. Read it out loud and make it sound better. Try writing about something that actually happened to you. Tell me about were you live, what's happened to you. Start there.

A great monologue. Write a play about being a teenage loser, I like your character, I find him sympathetic, but he needs to find a world to live in, and he needs to take his time showing the audience his revelation. Write a play, about real teenagers.

Shakespeare wrote many sonnets about time. I like yours. The second stanza especially. "pollen...dry" is rather harsh I think for such a pretty verse, my only complaint.

wtf

You have captured the decadence of winter and the affect is has on ones emotions, a concept hard to achieve and you have done it magnificently -bravo I say, bravo

Come again?

Moving and quite thought provoking, a strong opening and ending, probably the best i've read of yours....8