deep-as-a-puddle
on some deleted poem
23 Dec 2002, 1:31 PM
I really liked the first 3 lines then the contrast and vocabulary faded
I love this one.
can i just ask? why the numbers after dreammaker? or is that privilaged information. oh..sorry about the recent death, or just your attempt at depicting once metaphorical day in the life. have a six for honesty.
I assume you read Edgar Allen Poe...no don't worry, just me trying to be clever...this is very good, very good indeed...particularly enjoyed the second stanza...nice work, 9
Sorry, I meant I enoyed the third stanza (the second's good too), my brain's not quite in tune with my eyes...hmm
Settle down, settle down. No, seriously...
...oh, and I won't forget to vote. What shall I give it, though?
okay here goes. i went to see your homepage, and i'm a bit confused did you get the pills from, mom, britt, or just some weird doctor. lol. also are you a real distressed human young lady, or a drunk old lonely man with a crippled and psychotic imagination? regardless of all of that said..this poem is to punkrock what moist towelletes are to steak eaters at a casino somewhere in winnemucca nevada.
Ahh yes, customary Cadacus depressingness (surely that's not a word), but by god you do it well. Good stuff, have an 8, but don't spend it on drugs...
Rather good, have seen the title somewhere before, Master Pratchett? Good poem, although horus8 is right, the end isn't quite as good as the rest.
Have been writing a poem about a dragon myself, if I can change it into a decent poem from the pretentious pile of shite it is now, I may even post it...still like this poem-8
Actually, come to think of it, maybe those seven pills could be viagra...perhaps that many would cause so much blood to leave your head (the one up top that is) that you pass out?
I can think of no other thing to say of this except: delete at once. This is terrible.
HMMM, the poem has such potential, the first stanza is filled with anger and passion but as the poem draws to a final conclusion the overal objective is somehwta lost between the C and the K...close but only a 9!
you know what's funny about the best list here at poemranker? the way it shifts ever so predictably. i wasn't thinking stan boardman (whoever on god's green earth would? except for you of course) at all more like a jerry louis marathon, but without the muscular ailment, just more ale.
perfect. except for the fact that you wrote it of course.
"seemed but a trifle to the winged beast's hate,
But so ready was the dragon and poised to destroy
a host, when but a single man came,
that surpised, he lingered a bit too long,
and never got to direct his flame,
The warrior struck and struck again,
turning dragon to blood and gore,
and then slashed his throat, quenching forever
the fire of Dragon Lore,
For this was the last of a once proud race,
frightening and terrible to behold,
now, I'm afraid, they belong only to myth,
merely tales children beg to be told." this is where this fascinating story of yours turns into a bad commercial for life insurance. Up until that point, you were cruising.
fuck yeah. like when you went back to candels, ash, grey and that 'stuff' i was like fuck boring becasuse i've read all your work, and it was a starting to get all a bit too repetitive for 'me' then pow! this took off like a missile a king missile. 9.
"coiffed" ha ha ha. nice one. "
grusome" bad mispel, the right mispel could be either grewsome, grew-some or just spelling it right. other than that, the last stanzas is kinda 'immature and pitiful' because, action is louder than words, either do something about it on paper, and or something about it in your actual life or quit fucking whining. Simply because you insult any 'real thinker' with your plea, because you obviously have the time, patience, and money to type on a keyboard and submit it here? So, therefore things can't be that dramatically critical in your life. i was at a speed freak russian immigrant with a precious five year old daughters house day before yesterday for 12 hours, her boyfriend and father of her daughter went to jail the day before. Oh yea their house was a apartment building's laundry room...i sat there and colored with that little girl for hours man..fucking out-of-time-bubble, hours.. listening to her mothers stories of how these things all came to be with ever nerve of my body mentally documenting every fiber of disaster gone epic by the second..her mother was 25 with the most beautiful chrystal clear blue eyes you've ever seen the little girl equally bright and hopefull, but i can see the future, and i saw it there..it coated the walls with a stink you've never smelled youngling, pray you don't lest you lose your mind and structure, or maybe that's what you really need. a field trip with me on one of my late night hunts..what do i hunt? what god has forgotten, so either fucking stick your hands in the box and hold it there. because describing the outside of the box just doesn't cut the mustard any more sadly. why? you ever lick plutonium coated devil horns while combing your hair with his pitch fork? that's why. take a seven and a water dunk.
Many people have told me that the best cure for lonliness is masturbation.
And men say they will never understand women...