Caducus
on no cure by New Life Drug
19 Dec 2002, 4:24 AM
Quite Moving and a very credible stanza 2-4 ========8 tears---
Lovely. Get rid of the last 2 lines in the first stanza. I love your poem. i posted just for you.
some deleted user
on some deleted poem
19 Dec 2002, 3:40 AM
i don't understand
Forget selfess, that's not in question. Will you be selfish? That's what everybody wants to know, especially you.
don't do it man. slowly back away from the universal mind thing.it's a trick. read sidhartha. friction creates. break the tiles make a mosaic. a pleasent poem though still.
fruit or frui?
what's up mr. reynolds? i read your e-mail to mr. weisman..that's funny shit. it can't be that bad can it? when do you meet her parents. shwing. my truck got towed in venice last night. i still have a headache. fucking tequilla and red wine could send an army in the wrong direction. beautifull moon tonight huh..well...i'm off to pay milton back and michael josts in germany, so i was fucked walking around all day with my gretch, but i rode the bus baby..the blue bus..it's calling us..see you i'm off to collect.
quite good.
quite quite good.
I feel all warm and snuggly.
"there ain't no cure,
there ain't no cure,
there ain't no cure
for love."
-Leonard Cohen
Some of this is very good, some is less than...
The second to last stanza is good, as is "Fight with all might"
Maybe you could put a dragon in there, and some wizards too(!) Don't worry, I'm just off in a Tolkien world...
what changed?
Reminds me of 'Before You Were Mine', by Carol Ann Duffy, I think.
Hmm, 'tis very good & seems to be said from experience?? I like this also cos my name's in the title!!
What would we do without our Mums?.
Your a paragon of the perceptive GW, and you also piss me off because I just cant criticise your stuff, boo hoo, boo hoo (shouldnt you be in bed)?
Rather good...'temple of beauty', fantastic...perhaps this could have been capitalised on, maybe references to ancient Greek gods and religions etc? It's an idea-the poem's great though, 9/10
Is their something sinister in 'penetrating color' zzinnia mentioned 'gray' as a negative is this the case with you?
Like this better, but being part of the whole seems to incomplete the poem maybe say of the whole ..... something (game seems to basic) fuck it anyway its very good I/T
'Your skeptical chin
once brought down religion
in morning's first class
fomenting rebellion
behind bullet-proof glass.'
C'est Parfait