Fetylum
on killer boredom butterfly (psychedelic) by nentwined
17 Dec 2002, 5:10 PM
Reminds me of my dear ol' blue butterfly ^___^
You took my poem idea. That's so lame! I wrote before you though so HA!
Some nice lines.
this is actually good i must say i was expecting the worst, i might of ended it the the god in this, because then the second stanza comes along and spikes it down just a sliver, but a sliver still..i don't know (maybe i'm paranoid, but i've read enough poems on this sight to recognize certain writers, so whatever at this point right?) have a 7..
reminds me of crap. just kidding, its good. butteflies.....
esoteric? hardly. 8.
was there really a need for five "dreams"? how about dream to the fifth. Other than that its good but i dont get the free part. It doesnt fit. 6.
can't is a sickening word. i like the ending of "can?" It saves it
This is a statement not a haiku. And it is McDonald's not Mac. And they just posted their first quarterly loss in the history of the universe. People must be going to Boston Chicken to get a load of H0's girlfriend.
Bare-bones saddness. Ouch. Why must there always be a sacrifice?
Jackson Browne already wrote this song with much better lyrics.
Hm, only thing that makes me twitch is that 'can't'. I think it would have a better ring to it if spelled 'cannot' Otherwise, it's lovely ^_^!
Rings along nicely with your other poem...like a chorus line o.O
Great...now this is stuck in my head XP
This is certainly a mixed bag. I like your use of the word fiction, and some other small things, but overall it really needs to be tailored.
I have to bring you my copy of PLAY WITHOUT A TITLE by GarciaLorca. Don't let me forget. You always know how.
love the first stanza.
the rest? not so much.
What is the point of this?
A well worded weaving, leaving the reader to wonder at the disillusionment of the author.