nentwined
on Misplaced admoration by deep-as-a-puddle
17 Dec 2002, 12:58 PM
too much "forced the line to fit the rhyme". rhythm could use work.
heheheh. 'nuff said.
eh?
Why the question. Figure it out yourself.
no thank you.
eh?
hmm. good social commentary, ish -- except it was too *thick* to read through, back and forth, on and on. and I'd be one to agree with you (at least what I read through).
mame? or maim? very different things. one's an arcade game emulator.
reads like a bunch of cliches strung together. :/
I still don't get "sky blacked in the earth". lead chimneys?
er, basically I don't get any of it, especially not the poem as a whole. sorry.
very cute, but I don't get who 'you' are in this. maybe I'm just not up on my DC. or perhaps it's not important. :)
I love how innovative your poems are richa, and still when I see the words they still speak of the basics. As if you were experimenting with language the way I child does. I hope you find what you're looking for. I espeially like 'our innocence...over' & 'green so green ... Green is by far my favorite color.
Theecond stanza's beautiful. I almost wish you could leave out the last stanza, but something needs to be said. could you come up with a metaphor? What were you looking at/thinking of when you wrote this?
Your poem has been fataly wounded by rhyme.
definitely an other. I have to admit I didn't make it to the bottom, but I enjoyed what I skimmed.
cute. any reason for 4-6-5 instead of 5-7-5, or am I missing something?