You are GOOD.

Good funny truth.

I especially liked the last line and the second stanza of the poem. The last line of the first stanza does seem irrelevant, though.

You are more human than they will ever be. They have never come face to face with their own mortality as you have and they probably never will do until that moment when, just before they climax with their cheap little whore they look into her cold eyes and feel that she is holding her elbow tight over his fat neck so that she can take his fat wallet and leave him to lie dead in his own spunk.

Well, I must say I love it. ~Jade

I must say, I enjoyed reading the comments as much as the poem.

pretty pretty pretty, kitty. have some valerian and a nice nap.

this feels like a lyric, but wears a little thin at the end.

This is great, a hilarious retelling, dead on.

Fine imagery. What you mean to say is understood without the (by you). Been on both sides of this one. Painful but real.

A kitty picture in words. Lovely. Done in less than 1000. This time these few words are worth the entire picture.

First four stanza show real emotion and the realization of a dilemma that the reader can really relate to. It doesn't flow as well as it could. the last two stanza are a bit childish with words like "boy" and "jerk". Poem did move me however but perhaps that's because i have just been fucked over myself!

You know, I wasn't going to respond to your incredibly moronic comment. But then I saw the truly pathetic attempts at retaliation on *my* poems, and I wanted to clear something up. I do not care. Maybe, if you had any kind of writing talent, grammar, spelling, or intelligence at all, I might respect what you had to say. As it is, however, you came across as a complete idiot who was trying to strike back and gain back some of the tiny bit of ego you had in the first place. So thanks for the laugh, man.

Interesting. Yes, staying calm is the best way to attack. If who you want to attack is heading for demise the best way is to stay passive and watch it be! I liked the last line. Not sure about the relevance of the last line of first stanza. Is it appropriate to the rest of the poem?Also maybe realise was too strong a word to use as surely the moth is not stronger in the end?

This got me! Brilliant up to the last stanza where the rhythm and flow need a little work as it doesn't fit in so well with the rest of the poem. other than that, a heart felt piece with carefully selected choice of words. Nice one!

This wonderfully encaptures the harsh truth in life, those that face the fact that we are all independant and alone are far stronger than those that have a herd mentality, finding strength in others. I like the way the poem moves from before this realisation to this realisation.

Lovely images and nice progression and movement through images rather than narrative--especially the first verse. Strength seems to be in the simplicity--warmth of hearth and home; bread, cotton, crisp linen; sex as a song "hummed in blood." The "moonlight" verse seems to weaken it slightly--I'm not much for children or angels, so it could be my bias--but you rescue it with "stained with change." That verse might work better if tighter--for one, maybe lose the "sleeping in their beds"? (I like the progression there too--tabula rasa, angels without sin, but in the end "stained"). Works on a lot of levels.

17? The rest of us grunts should feel duly humble. As I said, good stuff - now write something really crap, otherwise the rest of us'll get inferiority complexes!!! Oh, and it's spelt 'naive' - I saw the ?? in stanza 2 and thought I'd clear that one up for you. Again, nicely done, and thanks for someone finally adding a tasteful contribution to this otherwise woeful site!!!!

Ask yourself this: Did I call my poeme '(no title)' because it is too profound to have a title, or did I call it '(no title)' because the only accurate title would be 'generic teenage poeme'?

LIKE IT