well done!

You have such a gift for rhythm. This is a very intense piece.

this is the best i have read of yours. i liked it very much. great, sharp rhythm, macbre imagery, mood, tone... bravo.

What do you know, you've again proved yourself a genius. But then what else is new?

methinks the flaw makes the man. well done, christof! ah, the things one misses when one goes away for a spell

i sure as hell wouldn't try and stop you. but wouldn't you rather picnic on the grss with p&k?

Fabulous extended metaphor. This one made me stop and think. I can't find a weak spot in it. The rhythm is good and the slant rhyme (chisel/skull) contrasting with the true rhyme (four/score) mirrors the poem itself: made perfect with the addition of the flaw. (I know this is really convoluted, but this is what my mind made up)

okay, i agree with mrs.g in that you are off to a good start, but i think you should incorporate her suggestions and pare it down rather than flesh it out. you tend to use a lot of words, loneshadow, and you don't need to. "Wishing I could be among the geese" says it all. there are at least 3 other lines tacked on around this one which are completely unnecessary--this one says it all. learn to cut away. this is a beautiful line. cut this poem down by half, made up of lines like this, and you will have a gem.

I read this one, hated it, read it again and had to raise my score. The imagery is good. It's eery. The last line seems anticlimactic, though. If you built up to it the way you built the rest of the poem from the sam at the beginning, it may gain that punch that is missing. I think the characterisation is fine; anything more would almost be too intimate. It is, indeed, very cold.

This is a very visual poem. It is also a very human poem. This is where the final stanza gets its power. I assume you have revised it a few time since my respected fellows commented; I think it's beautiful.

wut -> what (???) I'm not really arguing for formal English here. "Wanna" works well with the spirit of the poem, but "wut" for "what" which are pronounced the same is just stupid. This poem is very elementary and superficial.

bumbled bees - I read "humbled bees" at first (it's late) and it worked just as well. Oh, we do torture those bees for that sweet, sticky taste of heaven...

english, eh? may i make it more official by apologizing for dragging you all down with us americans? good, then its settled...

My wife and I discussed this and we pulled all kinds of interesting theories from it. It's fine.

I like this. The idea is strong. The first and the last lines are good but I'm not sure about the second. Mind you, I doubt I could find a better way to say it. I don't know where people are getting deceit in this though. It's more like a challenge.

this one rips my heart out mrs.g. i am glad, from reading the comments, that thr rubble has become walls. i hope they're painted in joyful colors now, even if they do need washing now and again, as shelters often do.

I keep getting stuck on the "and, and, and." Is this deliberate? The rhythm is very forced. Still, I love it after "Against her the hollow resonation..." It seems to find the flow here that it was lacking in the first part. The cadence of it all brings to my mind the image of a train roaring through the night, rattling on its tracks ("hollow resonation", "rhythmic dance", "swayed easy", "skipping", and, of course, "the last whistle." Those last two lines are beautiful, pure art. I could give you a 20 for them.

that's like hosing off the <concrete> in my book...my book of 'opening squares' for you.h

The essence of the poem is good, but the expression could use some work.

you dawg. you always crck me right the fuck up. nice job.