INTRANSIT
on some deleted poem
28 Sep 2002, 3:24 PM
Are you really writing a story? These are great charachter names if you are. This is relaxed. Nice.8
it's cool,and the best about this poem is the ryhming thing.
some deleted user
on some deleted poem
29 Sep 2002, 1:34 AM
Any desire the poem builds is killed stone dead with the word menstruating. It's to direct.
I take it U like U's? I hope U don't mind my saying so but If U like it then U'll get it and like said above it is indeed an interesting angle...
Where can I get some of that new dismal you've patented. This goes many different ways.Sickly truthful.
8
Of the three, this is the better I think. I think you can improve with future pieces. Welcome.9
This seems like practice in rythm or patterns, little else. Did you let the hammer fall or what,D.A?
Buy a heated blanket and forget about 'im!!! Nice work ma'am.9
Shorten and add a little beef.Good rythm.8
INTRANSIT
on A Sign on a Giant Donut at a Twenty Four Hour a Day Donut Shop Overlooking Pacific Coast Highway in Sunset Beach California at Eight in the Evening on September Twenty Fourth Two-Thousand and Two by Dark Angle
28 Sep 2002, 3:56 PM
AAW CHRIST! THATS FUNNY. I remember I was at a 7-11 in Colo and this lady was putting her daughter in the car when the little on held up a pack of Dolly Madisons and yelled DONUTS!
Man and I thought some had lost it already....sheesh! A book? Some love and nudity, and oh look a trip through space and time...well kids looks like we have next years worst movie of the year award! really poor references and no flow or go in the meaning and as the title says...this poem is in no decent way. not even worth much but i'll give you a bit of credit...2
this poem is awesome,there's alot of potential in the words as it mix between the imagination and magic in the way of lookin at things.
No, but this is the lowest i've scored any one since I've been here.
This is Glorious. What makes it work for me is the laundry list portrait of the domestically mundane that is transformed towards the sacredness of ritual by his love for her.
At least you'll be read old boy / :
some deleted user
on some deleted poem
29 Sep 2002, 3:27 AM
A lovely start. Now don't be lazy and finish it ( :
A moving piece. But I do think you should change the word 'menstruating'. It's a dirty word. Especially when uttered by a woman. It is not proper for Woman to remind us all of her revolting cycle of sin. Menstruation is quiet time. A time for shame. Not callous outspokenness.
I'm feeling war-ish.Good piece.
Jagged, in a good way.8