INTRANSIT
on some deleted poem
24 Sep 2002, 4:09 PM
Ah yes! The urge to step on the "little ones".As a truck driver I know it well.9 Watch for mine in a few days.
Sounds kinda rpg-ish but still i like the references! nice!
this ones seems happier than the rest like the joy after the pain
Work on your spelling a little. Work downpage a little too, please.
Sands of time is an excellent subject.I hope you're not really that sad at 11 yrs. Welcome to the pool.8
I like this one alot! its has alot of feeling and character in it it kinda tells a story of your younger life i get the feeling this is a poem from the heart not just made up
this has lost of hiden meaning in this . prettyfull
Pretty good stuff. Are you really z's friend or are you z. Do you garden at night? Are you prettier than she? I need to know these things before we go on. Anyway, minus the fact I tripped up over the caps on each line except for beautiful, which I thought was unnecessarily blatant, this is a fine piece.
Screw flow! CONTENT CONTENT CONTENT! 9
I suggest a threesome. Problem solved. No more curses. But the poem, oh yes, the poem. You manage to keep the whole he she, we, see, me, I bit intact and relatively clear, but I just do not feel the desire for the boy across the way or the remorse for the girl. This makes me think you really do not care and that transcends on the reader.
Reply X
There are so many semicolons in this poem (and many, if not all, used incorrectly and unnecessarily) that it kills the flow from the outset and ultimately the poem. But maybe that is the secret special point of the title.
Sounds like a story about a teacher gone and I quote, " Postal! " but the thoughts just make me think " Eminem " so heres another concept that works...still good poem thought!
Ok...this is another greenday song, " walking contradiction " and I fail to see the point other then what Isaac Newton would say, " For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction! "...." Duh! "
Pretty decent poem and I feel the emotions rolling off you....but you got quite a few spelling errors but they need to put a spell checker on this site before they let you post them! still great poem!
So what band did you steal these lyrics from? Sounds like a mix of Heart and Foreigner, but you are probably to young to remember that crab. So how about Korn or the Backstreet Boys. Regardless, it is another meager attempt.
Do you bother proofreading these before you submit them. Is it "warm"? "Wrapped up"? Snuggling is oh so un poetic. Is it fall or winter? The context is off. I believe you could just uses "open". Plain not plan. Bandit not bandet. Okay, this is just goofy!
I have a solution to this but I can't share it yet.7 A little tweaking it would flow better.
Oh well is right!
painfull yet joyfull. depressing yet happy
very pretty!