horus8
on some deleted poem
19 Sep 2002, 12:13 AM
could led be lead? 7/10. it's trying hard to be an 8 though..
except the great water walk of 'jesu'. quite true.
harsh realities are always attempting to reconcile. Its an interesting piece laced with afterthoughts ( yes? ) the dust doesn't always disapear but the paperwork stays. filed. forever. insured or not. 7
you my friend are a robot...recharge. please. and lose the stanza jog..you words aren't critically poignant enough to require it.
A god is definitely within your existence...beautiful, promising, almost blissfully provocative...in every sense...this is good. 9
your title is either "tombstone podiums" or your last sentence or ofcourse rebridled#pee.
The sentiment of the last 3 couplets is so beautiful, but this needs reconstructive surgery. The whole "you're the only one" line needs to be dropped. It's been used to death. Most of this is pretty bad. It's a vocal desert.
oh kay. life's a bitch, hey?
maybe this would be better suited in an envelope laced with ANTHRAX. Give me his address and I'll send it for you. I've head it's quick. I'll send you a copy. ok?
sir, may I dare say...0
horray!! another ill-poem that will even make the children cringe.
Nature is unfaithful? to the seasons? That's absurd, she returns each year at the designated hour. Use an analogy that works.
priceless...atleast until next year..than i'm sure tara will introduce you to some of her publishing friends and hook you up with a cover letter...then you can be rich and aloof and brilliant..good luck! on the brilliant part..the rest comes with your circle of pikers...
lionoleum, slip of the lion's tongue, or a new floor covering?
good, something I can wrap myself up in and sleep under a new moon.
Sorry. erased. don't know what got into me... Everyone feels this way sometimes..Don't worry. You'll look back to these times later in your life and appreciate who YOU were. Define yourself and don't let others push you around. Demand RESPECT.
This has to be the dumbest poem ever written or even thought of in the history of bad poem writing. This is ten times worse than a flaming pustule of a pimple poem. This is 10 times as bad as anything I have ever read in my thirty three paltry years. The horror of having to read something so unworthy has made me... ... ... run to the restroom ... ... ... why ... ... why ... ... why ... ... Did yu show this to your mother, teacher, puppy. did you get a gold star? Yes, delete, delete, del....
Hmmm. The end "takes this to the next level" (as our nation has grown so fond of saying) I prefer this to your others. Did I see this before? It looks familiar. Still to rich for my taste, but there's some skill, can't deny it. It's just trying too hard. Last line good.
Please stop writing. Please. Pretty please. Pretty please with sugar on top. Is anyone here a HS creative writing teacher? Please, if so, tell me how do you stand going to your job every day?
that's the ace in the hole baby!
i do hate you but this is hillarious.
end it like , "it is a worn place" instead of it is my place. "to only me". otherwise..charming.